Day 7

Monday, October 20

McKenzie brought up her web browser and typed in the only search term she could think of: body slave. The first few links had to do with tattooing, body piercing, and some articles about slaves in history, but the last one looked promising. The title of the link was 'The Contract' and the little blurb seemed to describe how two people had entered into a consensual slavery agreement.

McKenzie clicked on the link.

She'd locked her door, even though Karen wasn't home and she was pretty sure Ryan wouldn't be visiting her so soon after last night.

She'd messed up, she was sure of that. She just wasn't sure how or why. So she'd decided to research the kind of relationship Ryan had described and which McKenzie was coming to realize fulfilled a need in her she hadn't even known existed until she'd met Ryan.

As she read through the contract, she realized it was a little more severe than what Ryan had proposed, going so far as to include terms regarding sleeping schedules, clothing choices, and even bathroom privileges, but the foundation was the same. The Master would own the slave's body, taking pleasure whenever and however the Master desired it and the slave's only choice would be to submit, though there were several caveats listed. The Master promised never to force the slave to do anything illegal or anything that would cause the slave to lose their job or put them in physical danger.

At the bottom of the page was a link to the main index of the site, so she clicked on it. She was given a list of options and clicked on the glossary of BDSM terms section.

The more she read, the more she learned. And the wetter she became. She didn't notice it at first, but when she moved to bring her legs underneath her, she felt the squish as her soppy sex rubbed against her panties. She grinned a little in embarrassment.

"Well, I guess if I had any doubts about what I want, they're gone now," she mumbled to herself.

She went to the resources section next and clicked on one of the suggested links, regretting it almost instantly. As the new site loaded, she saw ads fill the screen for all manner of kinky sex, from live webcams to polls asking her what sixties TV stars were her fantasies.

"Carol Brady? Ewww. Oh God, it gets worse. Mike Brady!"

McKenzie started giggling, but she was trying to be an adult about this, so she composed herself and clicked on the back button. A new window popped up with an ad. She closed it and another one immediately popped up. She frowned and closed that one and another one came up, this time with a sign-up form of some kind.

"Not on your life! Now go away!" McKenzie said in frustration.

Finally, after going through the whole process twice because the site wouldn't let her click the back button to leave, she went into the browser history and returned to the previous site's resources page. But now she didn't want to click on any of the other links. It was too risky.

With the new information she'd gleaned from the site, McKenzie returned to her original search page and entered a new term: BDSM.

McKenzie sighed in relief as the results showed several items from informational sites she recognized and trusted. She started clicking on the links and reading.

The essays she found gave her new insight into herself and Ryan, and a series of articles on submission, slavery, and consensuality made her stop several times just to think about the theories behind the ideas.

For the first time, McKenzie realized how much of a risk Ryan had taken simply by engaging in this type of relationship with her. It also explained why Ryan was so adamant that she be sure of McKenzie's ability to choose for herself. Anything less could quickly become abusive and unhealthy for both of them.

McKenzie bookmarked each site as she went along and then returned to the main search results page.

On one site, she found a list of resources again and decided to take the chance of clicking on one of the links. It took her to a shared blog for a group of submissive women. Submissive or 'sub' seemed to be the term most people used as the counterpoint to Dominant or 'Dom,' which always seemed to be capitalized.

As soon as McKenzie started reading, she felt like she'd found her people. The women writing the posts for the site seemed to know exactly what was in her heart. Though the content was slanted towards the heterosexual viewpoint, McKenzie found it easy to translate everything to Ryan. The ideas and experiences presented by the women seemed like something out of her dreams.

Just the thought of being allowed to serve Ryan gave McKenzie a thrill and a deep sense of satisfaction. She couldn't explain it. She wanted to please Ryan in every way and yet she knew most people would see that as a weakness, where she saw it as a strength. By giving Ryan everything she wanted, McKenzie knew she would fulfill her deepest desires. And judging by the way Ryan had reacted to her little attempt at control, she knew Ryan wanted her obedience. Maybe even craved it the way McKenzie craved Ryan's control.

Of course, McKenzie was also very aware of her own strong will and she wondered if she would ever make a good enough sub for Ryan. How could she turn her will, her choice, over to Ryan without losing herself?

Then McKenzie realized the question was pointless. Whenever she was with Ryan, she was herself. And in the past few days in which she'd given herself completely over to Ryan, she'd felt more alive, more herself, than she ever had before.

The trust and security she seemed to feel with Ryan was another major factor in her decision to be with the woman. Even Ryan's obvious disappointment in her when she'd disobeyed hadn't managed to change McKenzie's feelings on the matter. In fact, it seemed to galvanize her into doing better, hence her current quest for more information.

Now that McKenzie had a better understanding of what Ryan was trying to accomplish with her, she knew where she'd gone wrong. What she'd done was generally frowned upon in the BDSM community. Though there were some Doms who enjoyed being challenged, Ryan clearly wasn't one of them and she was probably more upset than McKenzie knew.

Well, she'd just have to do better and prove to Ryan that she could be the sub Ryan wanted her to be. McKenzie would become the sub she herself wanted to be.