Day 19

Saturday, November 1

It was just after midnight when they pulled into the packed parking lot at Club Carnal.

They decided to leave the loot bag behind, so McKenzie wouldn't be lugging it around all night. McKenzie tossed the beanie into the saddlebags as well and fluffed out her hair. Ryan also insisted on leaving the doubled cuffs around McKenzie's wrist rather than securing both wrists again.

"I want to be able to hug you," Ryan said softly.

McKenzie smiled, moving in for a brief hug before they headed towards the building.

The line was twice as long as it had been the week before, but it moved quickly. When they got to the doorman, Ryan told him McKenzie wanted to sign up for the yearly membership and the guy gave her a tablet again with the appropriate contract.

They sat in a corner of the small side lobby, which was empty this time, while McKenzie filled out the subscription form. Given the amount of money she was agreeing to hand over, she understood why the form resembled a new car contract.

A few days ago, she'd made sure to move enough money from her savings account into her checking account to cover the upcoming expense. The money was hers, earned from her summer job, so her parents wouldn't be looking over her shoulder on this transaction. It was still a little nerve-racking. McKenzie didn't think she'd ever spent so much money at once.

"You okay?" Ryan asked as she listened to McKenzie's tense breathing.

McKenzie looked up from the tablet and smiled.

"Yeah. This is just... a lot of money. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay spending it. I've just never done anything like this before. Kind of a big girl moment for me," McKenzie said with a half shrug.

Ryan grinned.

"Yeah, it is a bit pricey. But you do get four free hours each month to use for rentals and time in the theme rooms, and with all the equipment and free demonstrations and workshops they run all the time, I think it's worth it. Plus, it keeps out the riffraff."

"I've kind of been wondering about that," McKenzie said uncertainly.

"About what?"

"Well, I don't mean to pry, but... This place is really expensive, so I was just wondering..."

"How I can afford it?" Ryan finished for her and McKenzie nodded. "I know the owners. They give me a pretty deep discount. Actually, they tried to give me a free membership after I started putting on shows on a regular basis, since it was good for business, but that felt a little too much like prostitution for me. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it fucks with my head too much."

McKenzie nodded as she initialed another section of the contract.

"So how long have you been coming here?"

"Oh, um... Damn, I guess it's been about seven years now."

McKenzie tried not to think about the fact she'd only been twelve seven years ago. Then she did another calculation and frowned, looking up from the tablet.

"Wait, so you've been coming here since you were my age? Then why do you think I can't—"

"McKenzie... I've been having sex of my own choosing since I was seven years old. That means I'd had twelve years of experience by the time I got here. You haven't even had sex yet."

McKenzie's eyes widened.

"Wait, seven? But you... You couldn't possibly have consented to that."

"The girl was seven, too."

At McKenzie's still disbelieving look, Ryan sighed as she launched into an explanation.

"She was my best friend at the apartment complex where we lived. It was just after my dad went to prison the first time. I'd finally convinced my mom to let me have a sleepover. I don't know if Maria came on to me or I came on to her, but we started kissing. And then... I didn't know what it was called at the time, but I ended up using a form of tribadism, where I rubbed our clits together through our shorts. She came and then told me to stop, but I kept going and that was when I came."

Ryan's eyes grew distant as she stared at the far wall, unable to stop talking as the memories of what happened next flooded her mind.

"I think it was only a few days after that, that I woke up in the middle of the night to hear her screams coming from the apartment next door. I remember yelling at my mom, 'he's killing her,' and my mom called the cops, but I think somebody else must've called them first because they got there in just a couple of minutes.

"I remember everybody in the complex was standing outside watching as she was brought out on a gurney and put in an ambulance. Her father was taken away by the cops.

"I went over there the next day to see if she was okay, but her mom answered the door. Her eyes were all puffy from crying and she was all beaten up, but she just told me Maria wasn't there and to go away. A week later, the place was cleared out."

Ryan turned haunted eyes towards McKenzie and McKenzie's own eyes softened as she finally understood why Ryan had reacted so badly to her horror make-up earlier. She set the tablet aside and reached for Ryan's limp hand, squeezing it in her own as Ryan continued.

"You know, I have no idea if she even survived that night. I hope she did. But sometimes I can't help wondering if maybe he found out about what we'd done and he..."

Ryan shook her head as she continued.

"I know it wasn't my fault, even if that was what happened. He used to beat her and her mom all the time. I think she was kept home from school almost as much as I was in order to recover from black eyes and stuff."

McKenzie squeezed Ryan's hand again, unsure what else to do.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

Ryan looked up and gave a tight smile, trying to push the old memories back into their normally secure compartment at the back of her mind, but they didn't seem to want to fit.

"It's okay. Most of the time, I don't really think about it. And hell, it wasn't long after that, that another girl moved in a few apartments down and then I started having sex with her, so..."

McKenzie giggled, partly in reaction to the seriousness of the conversation, but also because of the image in her head.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"I just keep seeing a mini-you running around in all that black leather of yours, seducing all these little girls."

Ryan laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Not hardly. It wasn't like that at all. Actually, Sierra was even a few months older than me. And she was the one who came on to me. You know how kids like to play 'let's pretend'? Well, she had this favorite fantasy role play thing, where she was this celebrity rock star and I was her bodyguard, and I'd beat up phantom stalkers and paparazzi, and then she'd have sex with me to say thank you..."

Ryan stared off into space again as the memories kept coming, piling on top of one another.

"We talked all the time about running away from our shitty families when we grew up. And back then, I didn't really understand there was an option besides boy plus girl. I'm not sure why that never clicked. I was abused by women almost as much as men, but... I just assumed I'd have to get a sex change operation to be with her. I was a total tomboy, so I didn't have a problem with that, but I had no clue how that actually worked, so I just thought at eighteen, I'd sign up to become a boy and that would be that.

"It wasn't until later that I learned there was this thing called lesbianism that fit me much better, where I could be with a girl and also be a girl at the same time.

"And then when Nyeesha and her dad moved into Maria's old apartment, we sort of ended up including her, too. Well, mostly we would have sex and she would watch. And then my mom moved us away right after I finished third grade and I never saw them again."

Ryan studied the tile floor.

"I know they were in abusive families, too. I wasn't teaching them anything they didn't already know. Sometimes I'm amazed at how many girls I met over the years and how we just seemed to know that was there. That we could take refuge in each other and sort of make what was usually a bad thing into a good thing."

Ryan finally blinked and focused on McKenzie's shocked expression. It was reflex to pull up her armor and smirk at McKenzie's wide disbelieving eyes.

"Yeah. I was in a ménage à trois by the time I was nine years old, while you were off learning to ride horses and playing pool at your dad's country club. So..." She shrugged.

McKenzie swallowed and nodded.

"I just don't even have a frame of reference for that kind of thing. I can't imagine my parents or anyone else... Jesus Christ. How could anyone do that to a little kid? To you?"

Ryan frowned, feeling her armor drop as if it had never existed.

"Should I not have told you this stuff? I'm sorry, it just kind of spilled out."

"No! It's... It's okay. I know you've sort of... I mean I've heard you mention you had a rough childhood. And I knew sexual abuse was part of that and... But I didn't really... We've never really talked about..." McKenzie took a deep breath and let it out. "You've never really gotten into the details before. That was just... a lot to take in."

"I'm sorry," Ryan said as she looked away.

McKenzie squeezed Ryan's hand again.

"No. Don't apologize. I want to know this stuff about you. I'm glad you trust me enough to share that part of yourself with me."

Ryan nodded, studying McKenzie's small hand wrapped around her own larger one.

"I do. I just wish that stuff wasn't there in the first place. It took me a long time to crawl out of that shit. I mean I've tried to... to take the crap that was forced on me and use it for good, I guess, but..." Ryan finally looked up into McKenzie's eyes. "That's why I try so hard to be careful with you. I'm terrified of becoming like my parents."

Ryan looked away again as she continued.

"I've... done stuff... Back when I was a kid and as part of... what they did... So I know I shouldn't blame myself, but... I..."

When Ryan didn't continue, McKenzie gently pulled on the woman's hand to bring her attention back to her.

"What? It's okay," McKenzie soothed.

Ryan swallowed, feeling a wave of nausea try to overtake her.

"I... enjoyed... some of it. That's a part of me I never want you to see. Ever. And that's why I can't lose control with you. I never want to hurt you like that." Ryan looked up and McKenzie saw stark fear in Ryan's eyes. "I wouldn't survive hurting you like that," Ryan whispered.

McKenzie understood instantly what Ryan was implying. What Ryan would do to herself if she ever thought she'd gone too far. Panic rushed through McKenzie at the thought of losing Ryan even as a part of her mind acknowledged the sharp jolt of desire that had slammed into her at the possibility of someday meeting her dark Lord head on.

McKenzie pushed both sets of thoughts away as she pulled Ryan's head to her shoulder, wrapping her arms around the woman in a gentle hug.

"You won't hurt me, Ryan. I trust you. We talk about everything, right? Just like we are now, so that will never happen."

McKenzie felt Ryan taking slow deep breaths against her shoulder and just kept talking, while Ryan worked on calming herself down.

"I think I get it now. Why the whole 'safe, sane, and consensual' thing is repeated over and over again everywhere I look. Because we're all playing on that line, aren't we... The line you were forced to cross before you ever had the choice... They made you learn things about yourself way before you were ready to... But Ryan... You're like the frickin' poster child for SSC, and I get the why of that now, too. You know what's on the other side of that line. You have the scars to prove it... but..."

McKenzie sighed.

"All I keep thinking is how I should be thanking you, like you're a soldier who's come back from war and you went there so I wouldn't have to. I know you think everything happens for a reason, but I also believe we each have our own destiny and I feel like... I feel like you took those wounds for me so you would know how to take care of me and protect me... And you always protect me... even from yourself."

Ryan slowly lifted her head from McKenzie's shoulder and looked into her eyes as McKenzie continued.

"But I also need you to know... I'm a lot stronger than I look and I can take quite a bit. So even though I expect you to protect me, I want to know all of you. I want every part of you. That includes the dark stuff. I never want you to hide from me. Protect me, yes, but never hide your heart. I can take it."

"You already have," Ryan said quietly, unable to drag her gaze away from McKenzie's. "It might be beating in my chest, but it isn't mine anymore."

"Then I guess that makes us even, since you stole my heart the day we met," McKenzie whispered.

McKenzie drew Ryan's head back down onto her shoulder, more to keep from kissing the woman than anything else.

Ryan sighed, relaxing into the embrace, her mind a jumble of the past and present.

Eventually, Ryan pulled away to sit up straight again. She shook her head and groaned.

"God, was that a mood killer or what?"

McKenzie reached out, taking Ryan's hand again, until Ryan looked back at her in question.

"You don't have to run away from me."

Ryan stopped at the softly spoken words. She glanced down at their joined hands.

"I'm not... Not really. I just don't... I haven't thought about a lot of this stuff in a long time. I spent years mucking through this shit and I've dealt with most of it. Felt the pain, cried the tears, accepted the helplessness and terror that was my childhood..."

Ryan looked up at McKenzie's patient gaze and shrugged as she continued.

"I think I just get tired of realizing there's always just a little more left, that those assholes can still affect me after all this time. And for me... I feel like sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is to not let it get to me, not let them have that part of me... Not let them ruin what I hope still has a chance of being a great night, despite my constant spaz attacks," Ryan said with a self-deprecating smile.

McKenzie nodded in acceptance as she picked up the forgotten tablet.

"All right. Let me just finish signing over my first born and we can get this show on the road."

Ryan laughed and McKenzie quickly scrolled through the rest of the document. When she was done, she handed the tablet in at the main window, along with her debit card. McKenzie took her receipt, glancing briefly at the total before shoving it in her pocket.

A twinge of regret had her questioning her sanity for a moment, but then she shrugged. Like Ryan had said, what was the point of having money in the bank if you didn't spend it every now and then on the things that made you happy?

McKenzie looked up and smiled as Ryan twined their hands together and led them over to the bar. Yeah, happiness. Worth every penny.

As they made their way around the tables, McKenzie finally noticed all the Halloween decorations. Then she looked a little closer and couldn't help grinning as she realized they'd been done with a Club Carnal twist.

Cotton webs stretched along the walls, allowing large black spiders and oversized flies to hang from them. Every other spider and fly was wearing a little silver collar, while their counterparts held little leashes or whips. Orange, purple, and black ropes were strung up from one piece of ductwork to the next with all manner of restraints threaded along them, and small stuffed witches, ghosts, mummies, vampires, and werewolves dangled happily from each one. Japanese style jack-o-lanterns, some wearing blindfolds, others with gags, rounded out the look, giving the dining area a soft orange glow.

McKenzie pointed them out to Ryan, but Ryan just smiled and nodded before turning to receive their drinks.

"So did you want to hang out up here? They should be starting the costume contest in a little bit. There's probably even still time for you to enter if you want. I bet you'd win something, too, with how sexy you look."

McKenzie blushed, but she kept her gaze steady as she looked Ryan up and down in return.

"I'd only do that if you did it with me and I'm pretty sure you'd win the whole thing with that hot cop thing you've got going on."

Ryan shook her head.

"Nah. I'm not showing enough skin to even place. Besides, it looks like most of these people have already entered, which means it's going to go on forever as they bring each person up on stage."

McKenzie looked over the packed dining area.

"Could we go to the back like we did last time?"

Ryan grinned.

"Sure. I forgot to check the site, but they always have demos on Tuesdays and Fridays, so there should be something interesting going on."

McKenzie grabbed on to Ryan's belt loop and did her best to stay close as the tall woman pushed through the throngs of people. Unlike last time, it was just as crowded in the back as it had been in the front.

They finally rounded the last partition and McKenzie caught sight of Britt, Petra, and Alicia on one of the couches. Next to them were two other women she didn't know, though she'd seen them before with Britt. They were all sitting in front of the second to last glass room. McKenzie looked to her right and was surprised and a little disappointed to see all the rooms were empty this time.

As they walked up to the small group, McKenzie checked out the costumes everyone had chosen.

Britt was wearing a green leather outfit that McKenzie assumed was supposed to be Robin Hood. Petra didn't look any different, except for a white streak in her dark hair. Alicia was dressed in a slinky black teddy with black cat ears and whiskers drawn on her cheeks. The others were dressed casually in street clothes as far as McKenzie could tell.

"Holy shit! You actually dressed up?" Britt said as soon as she saw them and stood up from the couch.

"Yeah, first time for everything, right?" Ryan grinned as she set their drinks down on the low table in front of the couch.

Britt looked them both over and nodded her approval.

"So, what did she nab you for?" Britt asked McKenzie.

"Larceny... Though I think I might be able to... get off on a technicality."

Britt groaned at the bad pun, though she was smiling, and then looked down as Alicia nudged her leg from where she was kneeling on the floor. Britt nodded at Alicia's questioning look and turned back to Ryan.

"Alicia has something she'd like to say to you," Britt said.

Ryan's face went still, but she nodded as Alicia crawled to sit on her knees in front of her. Alicia's neck craned to look up at Ryan.

"I'm sorry for disrespecting you. I had no right to try to force you to punish me..." She glanced to her girlfriend. "Or to cuckold Petra without both your permissions." She looked up again, this time at McKenzie. "And I'm truly sorry for any pain I might have caused you with my..." A quick look to Britt. "Unworthy behavior. If you're mad at Ryan, don't be. She didn't do anything, I promise." Alicia straightened her shoulders as she stared up at Ryan. "I know you can't punish me... and that you don't want to... but I'd like to serve you both tonight to make amends... if I may?"

Ryan nodded her acceptance.

"Go get us a couple bottles of water and a snack tray for everyone." Alicia smiled. "And make it quick. I don't want to be interrupted once the demo starts."

Alicia jumped to her feet and ran off towards the bar.

Ryan turned to see McKenzie looking up at her in confusion.

"What?"

"I guess I'm trying to understand what just happened. I mean she was a total... um... And now she's all... docile?"

Britt laughed.

"That could have something to do with the fact we only gave her a jumpstart last week and she's had to earn every orgasm since then."

Ryan chuckled under her breath as she shook her head.

"Damn, woman. And you said I was evil."

Britt laughed again as she turned away at someone's greeting.

McKenzie leaned closer to Ryan.

"What's a jumpstart?" McKenzie asked in a whisper.

"It's where you remove the stimulus just as someone is coming. It cuts the orgasm short, to say the least," Ryan explained in a low voice.

McKenzie's mouth dropped open as she stared at Ryan in shock.

"You... You wouldn't do that to me... would you?"

Ryan shook her head.

"I already told you. The worst punishment I will ever hand out is abstinence."

McKenzie nodded in relief.

Ryan found them a couple spots on the lowest couch and pulled McKenzie snugly against her side, her arm draped around McKenzie's shoulders.

McKenzie looked up at her.

"Your turn to feel territorial?" McKenzie asked with a smile.

Ryan grinned.

"No. This would be territorial," Ryan said as she lifted McKenzie onto her lap and wrapped her arms in a confining hug around the girl's body.

McKenzie sighed, resting her head on Ryan's shoulder as her body relaxed into the hold.

Ryan nuzzled her cheek against McKenzie's hair as she settled back against the cushions behind her.

"So... What was that about anyway?" Ryan asked quietly into the small space between them.

"What? Me sitting on your lap?" McKenzie asked.

"No. Whatever was going on with you and Claire. It looked serious."

"Oh, that... Um, well, she... She kind of had a crush on you a few years ago. When I realized you were the one she'd told me about before, I just wanted to make sure she wasn't still interested. Which she isn't, by the way. She doesn't go for the 'whips and chains thing' is what she said."

"Most people don't," Ryan said.

Ryan glanced up as Alicia returned with a tray of appetizers and two bottles of water. Alicia set everything down on the coffee table and then opened the bottles, dropping a straw into each one. She handed one to Ryan and the other to McKenzie, then dropped back to her knees.

"Is there anything else I can do? Foot massage? More pillows?" Alicia asked.

"No. That's all for now," Ryan said. "I'll call for you if we need anything. Why don't you see if one of your Mistresses needs you."

Alicia nodded and crawled away to offer her services to the other Doms farther down the couch.

McKenzie frowned as she watched her go.

Ryan sipped at her water, then leaned forward slightly to set the bottle back on the coffee table and McKenzie did the same before snuggling back down, her brow still furrowed.

"Something wrong?" Ryan asked.

McKenzie looked up, her frown deepening.

"Is that... Should I be..." McKenzie started and stopped, unsure how to even phrase her question as she looked down again to play with the heavy cuffs on her wrist.

"McKenzie, she's enduring punishment right now. Some Doms do expect that kind of constant attention and service, but I'm not one of them."

Ryan let go of her grip on McKenzie's knees so she could lift the girl's chin with her fingers. Once she had McKenzie's eyes on her, she continued.

"If I ever do want that kind of attention from you, I'll simply tell you."

"Okay," McKenzie said softly.

Ryan released her hold on McKenzie's chin and the girl went back to smoothing her fingers along the edges of the metal handcuffs.

"I think..." McKenzie paused, taking a breath before continuing. "I think I just get scared that I'm not doing this stuff right because I've never done it before. Then I see someone like her and it's like she knows all the right things to do and say..."

Ryan snorted and McKenzie looked up to see her rolling her eyes.

"You did notice the part about how she's being punished for not knowing how to behave properly, right?"

McKenzie nodded, but then ducked her head again.

"I know, but... The way she... When she was coming on to you and was saying all those things, and then you... When you grabbed her, I thought..." McKenzie trailed off.

"You thought... what exactly?"

McKenzie sunk even lower as if she could somehow make herself smaller to hide from Ryan's question. She shrugged her shoulders as she shook her head.

"McKenzie? Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. What did you think I was going to do to her? Beat her?" Ryan asked incredulously.

McKenzie rolled her eyes.

"No, of course not. I..." McKenzie shook her head again. "I don't know. It's just when I did that, you... you walked away," McKenzie whispered.

Ryan frowned as she tried to piece together everything McKenzie had said, along with everything she hadn't. Ryan's face cleared as she thought she understood.

"You think she was able to get to me when you couldn't."

McKenzie wouldn't look up, but she nodded minutely.

Ryan sighed.

"McKenzie... Did you really think I was dragging her away to... to fuck her?"

McKenzie turned bright red. She kept her eyes on the handcuffs as several tears slid silently down her cheeks.

"And because I didn't do that with you when you..."

Ryan sighed again and then couldn't help laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

McKenzie finally looked up, confusion and hurt showing plainly in her eyes as she wiped at her cheeks.

"Sorry," Ryan said quickly. "I'm not laughing at you, I swear. It's just... Apparently, our memories of that night are very different."

Ryan felt her lower belly tense with arousal as she thought back to how McKenzie had slowly slid off her chair to rest on her knees at Ryan's feet, offering herself... "Please, Ryan. Anything you want."

Ryan blew out a breath and groaned, shifting a little in her seat, then stopped immediately as she felt McKenzie's ass grind against her pubic mound.

"God, woman... Do you have any idea what it took for me not to fuck you on that table that night? What thinking about that still does to me? If I'd laid hands on you in that moment... You wouldn't have been able to walk by the time I was done with you. I'm on such a fucking tightrope with you, baby, it's insane... But Alicia? I was just pissed she was invading my personal space and I very much didn't want her there. You, on the other hand..."

Ryan pulled McKenzie's body tighter against her chest, taking the opportunity to reposition her slightly so she was resting more on one thigh rather than Ryan's mound.

"I'm sorry," McKenzie whispered from her place tucked under Ryan's chin.

"No. You have nothing to apologize for. I know all this is new for you, but you're doing fine... Better than fine... But please..." Ryan pulled her head back and McKenzie looked up at her expectantly. "And I can't stress this enough... Please don't model yourself after Alicia. I like you just the way you are. If I wanted to be with her, I would be with her, but I don't. And trust me, you push my buttons just fine all on your own. In fact, I think I need to, um..."

Ryan lifted McKenzie off her lap and slid her onto the couch next to her. She reached for McKenzie's hand, holding it tightly in her own as she let her head drop back on the couch. She turned her head to look at the girl.

"McKenzie, I can't even talk about what you do to me without getting so turned on I'm physically aching, so please don't worry that you're not affecting me, okay? You are. You so are."

McKenzie smiled shyly, a blush pinking her cheeks. She leaned her warm cheek against Ryan's shoulder, then couldn't help looking up at the woman.

"I make you ache?" McKenzie whispered.

Ryan closed her eyes and smiled.

"Yes," Ryan whispered back. "So damn bad."

McKenzie grinned with pride, settling against Ryan's side in contentment.

They sat like that for a little while, until Ryan felt movement on her other side. She opened her eyes to see Britt had returned.

"You taking a nap?" Britt asked.

"Nah, just basking. How's things?"

McKenzie listened as the two women talked about people McKenzie didn't know. Then she felt Ryan shift as she sat up a little straighter.

"Hold on, you mean your Tiff? Seriously? She's with Eva?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah. How fucked up is that?" Britt said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Wow. But Eva hasn't brought her here yet?"

"I haven't seen them, if she has."

"Does Tiff even know about this place? Or you?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know. It's not like we really kept in touch after... everything."

"You okay?" McKenzie asked, unable to follow the conversation, but knowing something was wrong and wanting to help.

Britt glanced over at her and gave a weak smile.

"Yeah. I just found out my ex is dating someone we know here."

"Oh. I'm sorry," McKenzie offered her sympathy.

"Except that's not the fucked up part," Britt continued. "Tiff was the one who got me into all this. She'd read some story online and asked me to tie her up, so I did. I'd never done anything like that before, but I've always been game to try anything twice," she said with a wink. "I couldn't believe how turned on I got, but she totally freaked out. It kind of went downhill from there and we broke up a couple weeks later. That was six years ago, but now Lauren just told me she saw her out with Eva and they were holding hands and obviously into each other, so..."

"And Eva is..." McKenzie trailed off in question.

"She's a Dom who plays mostly in the bondage/discipline area of BDSM, just like Britt here, though Eva goes in more for humiliation," Ryan explained. "Can't say I'm a fan, but to each their own," Ryan said with a shrug.

"Wait, there are different areas?" McKenzie asked in confusion.

"You do know what the acronym means, right?" Britt asked, glancing to Ryan as if she'd been neglecting McKenzie's education.

McKenzie rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm not that much of a newbie," McKenzie groused. "It stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism and masochism."

"Right, good," Britt said, almost sighing in relief as Ryan shook her head with a smile at Britt's concern. "Well, most people really only play in one or two of those areas. Like Ryan said, I mostly stick to the bondage/discipline part. I like to tie women up or hold them down while I spank them and tell them what a naughty little girl they've been. That's my main kink," Britt explained.

"Of course, some of that falls into the other categories, since you're technically dominating them and inflicting pain when you do that," Ryan added.

"Yeah, but I'm not getting off on that part as much as I am the tying up and spanking part," Britt grinned.

"True," Ryan conceded.

McKenzie looked at Ryan. Given the things they'd done so far, she was pretty sure she knew where Ryan's preferences lay. As she considered some of her own fantasies, a new thought occurred to her.

"Is it possible to like all three?" McKenzie asked.

Britt laughed.

"Damn, is she perfect for you or what?"

Ryan smiled, feeling the ache between her legs kick up another notch at McKenzie's innocently put question. She turned to look at the girl and knew the desire in her eyes was obvious when McKenzie's eyes dilated in response.

"I lean more towards dominance and submission, but I play in all three areas fairly equally, so yes, you can like all three," Ryan said quietly.

McKenzie nodded, but Ryan wasn't sure the girl really understood what that meant. She decided to leave it for another time as she turned back to Britt.

"So what are you going to do? About Tiff?"

"I have no idea. I'm not about to get into a turf war over her. She made her decision. But if she's realized..." Britt shook her head. "I don't know. I really cared about her, but she said some shit that last time that really fucked me up, you know?"

Ryan put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"I know. But you know I always told you that was her own crap. I don't think it had anything to do with you. She was just scared."

Britt nodded.

"I know. Didn't make it hurt any less." She looked around. "They just need to start already. I need a distraction." Then Britt looked at her watch and groaned, flopping back on the couch with a sigh. "They're late."

Just as she spoke, a group of men and women, most clad in some form of leather or latex rubber, entered through doors along the back walls and started filing into the glass rooms. Speakers set in the walls piped the sounds from all four rooms into the area and Britt tapped at the tablet on the coffee table to turn it off to stop the dual audio signal.

A moment later, the lights dimmed to nonexistence above them, leaving the glass rooms to glow brightly from their internal overhead lighting.

"Good evening. I'm Tony. Welcome to Blowjobs 101," said a smiling older man in the room right in front of them.

"Hell yeah," Britt laughed as she slapped Ryan's thigh with the back of her hand. "You packin'?"

Ryan shook her head.

"Nah. I didn't know this was happening tonight." Not that I would have anyway, Ryan thought as she glanced sidelong at McKenzie. Talk about adding fuel to the fire.

McKenzie's wide eyes looked up and down the row at the people in the glass rooms. The one at the end to her left had a hetero couple in it. The room in front of her held a lesbian couple and a gay couple as well as Tony. The next room held another hetero couple and the room at the far right had another gay couple.

"Tonight, we'll be presenting various techniques for giving head, how and when to use them, as well as tips for using bondage and other toys to get the most out of playing with your partner's cock. Now, as Theo and Carl here, and Alice and Austin over there, will demonstrate, there are differences between sucking on a soft cock versus a hard cock, as well as whether the blower is in a dominant or submissive position. We also have Amy and Stacy, who will showcase what's possible when the phallus is simulated..."

McKenzie watched, her mouth hanging open slightly as the demo began.

She knew what giving head was, had overheard girls in the locker room at high school talk about it, but she'd never seen the act performed, let alone five at once.

The moans and gasps coming from not only the recipients, but the givers as well, kept sending goose bumps trailing over her skin. Her eyes tracked the wet slide of swollen lips over hard flesh, the way a tongue lashed out or licked glistening skin...

McKenzie tried to concentrate on the presenter's dispassionate lecture as he pointed out the techniques being used and directed the two couples in his room to perform in different ways, but she couldn't seem to focus.

She shifted on the couch, intending to lean forward to retrieve her bottle of water, since her mouth was so dry. She went stock-still as she felt wetness between her legs.

What the hell?

McKenzie frowned in consternation. She was a lesbian. She shouldn't be getting turned on by this.

She glanced over to see Ryan and Britt whispering to each other so they wouldn't disturb the presentation as they gestured at the different couples. McKenzie leaned a little closer and was able to pick out some of what they were saying.

"But the head is the most sensitive. It's the equivalent of the clit. See? The way her tongue is swirling, that's the best," Britt said.

"Yeah, but the long stroking... The way it disappears all the way inside her mouth... That's what does it for me," Ryan said.

McKenzie's eyebrows shot to her hairline. She tugged on Ryan's arm and the woman turned towards her.

"You like this?" McKenzie whispered.

Ryan's gaze was unmistakably aroused as she nodded.

"Yes. Very much."

McKenzie's face screwed up in confusion.

"You... You actually like giving head?" McKenzie practically squeaked.

Ryan smiled.

"No, I like receiving it."

"Oh... Wait, do you mean getting eaten out?"

Ryan shook her head patiently.

"No... Well, I like that, too, but... I like receiving head just like you're seeing it here."

McKenzie frowned as she tried to understand, her gaze unconsciously drifting to the two women behind the glass. The woman wearing the strap-on seemed to be enjoying it, but...

"But you... You wouldn't be able to feel that."

"But I can see it. And when a woman is moaning her pleasure at giving it... That's a turn on, too," Ryan said, her voice hitting the lower register that sent chills through McKenzie's body.

McKenzie tried to imagine it. Whenever she'd thought about going down on Ryan before, it had been the woman's pussy she'd been thinking of, not...

"I... I can't really... I know you have those, but... I guess I never really thought... I-I can't really picture it."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. All right?" Ryan said quietly.

McKenzie nodded. She glanced at the couples, but then quickly looked away again.

"I'm, um, gonna go use the restroom. I'll be right back."

"You want me to go with you?" Ryan offered.

"No, I'll be okay. I know where they are."

Ryan nodded as McKenzie slid off the couch a little stiffly and quickly walked down the aisle, trying not to impede anyone's view for more than a second.

"She okay?" Britt asked.

"Yeah," Ryan said absently as her eyes tracked McKenzie's movements.

Ryan continued to watch as McKenzie hurried away. Ryan tried to push her worry aside. The girl was fine. She was just going to the bathroom.

Ryan was off the couch and walking as soon as she lost sight of McKenzie around the corner. She didn't want to be that Dom who couldn't give their sub any freedom or privacy, but she also knew it was her responsibility to make sure McKenzie was okay, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. And at the moment, she wasn't sure McKenzie was okay in any of those areas.

Ryan used her height to good advantage, spotting McKenzie a couple dozen feet ahead of her. She lengthened her strides, catching the door to the restrooms before it could close all the way.

She found McKenzie walking slowly along the empty corridor, scanning the doors for an unoccupied cubicle.

"Hey," Ryan said gently behind her.

McKenzie turned, looking a little startled, then went back to checking the tags on the doors.

"I told you, you didn't have to come with me."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Ryan said as she kept pace a few feet behind the blonde.

"I'm fine."

Ryan frowned. She hadn't been sure before, but that tone was the complete opposite of fine.

"No, you're not. What's going on?"

"I just have to pee really bad, all right?" McKenzie said irritatedly as she walked a little faster. "Finally," McKenzie sighed, finding a green tag.

Ryan stopped as McKenzie disappeared inside the small room, the door closing behind her with a loud click as she locked it.

McKenzie tried to calm her breathing as she sat down. She really did have to pee. She grimaced as she wiped, the toilet paper coming away slick with her wetness.

"This is just so wrong," McKenzie muttered.

She wiped several more times, trying to get it all, but finally gave up. She flushed and then washed her hands in the small sink. She took several deep breaths and straightened her shoulders before unlocking the door and stepping out into the brightly lit corridor again.

McKenzie tried to smile when she saw Ryan leaning against the wall between her door and the next.

"All better. You know, I think those are the cleanest bathrooms I've ever been in," McKenzie said and started heading for the exit.

Ryan reached out for McKenzie's arm, pulling her to a halt. She drew the girl, a little stumbling in her heels, into a hug.

"I don't deal well with being shut out. I need you to talk to me, McKenzie," Ryan whispered into McKenzie's hair.

McKenzie melted against Ryan's strong hold around her body.

"I... I don't want to... do that," McKenzie mumbled against Ryan's chest.

Ryan sighed as she looked up to the ceiling.

"Do you remember how I told you there might be some things I would expect you to do whether you wanted to do them or not?" McKenzie tensed. "That's one of them."

McKenzie pulled back to look up at Ryan in surprise and not just a little fear as Ryan continued.

"I really wanted this to be something we talked about later, since we really can't do anything to make you feel better about it right now. And like I said before, I don't want you stressing about it the whole time, but I'm not going to budge on this one."

"But..." McKenzie felt panic welling up in her chest. "I really don't... I..."

"McKenzie... By the time we get there, your feelings may have completely changed on the subject, so... Just breathe, accept that it's going to happen at some point, and know that you'll be serving me in a way I truly enjoy." Ryan stared into McKenzie's wide eyes. "And trust me when I say that gift will be returned to you many times over."

McKenzie swallowed convulsively as she realized what Ryan was implying. Then she shook her head.

"But... What if I really don't like it?" McKenzie whispered.

Ryan felt a surge of energy rush through her at the girl's continued protests, urging her to force McKenzie to her knees, even though Ryan wasn't wearing the necessary equipment to make her point. She pushed away from the wall, spinning them around so McKenzie's back was to the wall, Ryan's arms braced on either side of her to keep herself from pressing her body against McKenzie's. Ryan took a breath, trying to calm herself.

"This is non-negotiable, McKenzie," Ryan said, her voice low and serious. "It's not something that will hurt you, I know for a fact you don't have any psychological trauma around it, and it's... it's one of the only purely selfish acts I allow myself, so I'm not willing to give it up."

Ryan's pulse jumped at her throat as McKenzie stared up at her.

"I also think when we're in the moment, you won't be nearly as opposed to it as you are right now, but to be honest... It really won't bother me if you are. I told you my main playground is D/s... Well, you submitting to me like that..." Ryan paused, a soft grunt sounding in her chest as her whole body tensed with a wave of arousal. "Fuck... All I can say is it's a damn good thing I'm not wearing one right now or this conversation would've ended about a minute ago."

McKenzie stood perfectly still as she felt new wetness seep between her nether lips.

God, why is this turning me on? I shouldn't... She's talking about forcing me to do something I don't... McKenzie closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to rid it of the images she'd seen less than ten minutes ago in the glass rooms.

Ryan's gaze narrowed as she finally took in McKenzie's shallow breathing, rapid pulse, and flushed skin. While it was possible for those to be signs of fear or distress, Ryan didn't think that was the case this time, at least not entirely.

"McKenzie? Look at me," Ryan said gently.

McKenzie opened her eyes, knowing she couldn't hide. She looked up into Ryan's intense stare and whimpered when her stomach curled in pure need.

"You're aroused," Ryan said in surprise as her hands tensed against the wall.

"But I don't want to be," McKenzie groaned.

"Why not? It's okay," Ryan said.

"No. It's not... I'm... I just..." McKenzie sighed. "Can we please talk about this later? Please?"

Ryan frowned. She wanted to know what was going on. Something had upset the girl and Ryan was sure she could fix it if McKenzie just talked to her. A few commands would likely be enough...

But McKenzie's eyes were pleading with her for a reprieve and Ryan suddenly realized what she was doing. If she kept digging, she'd be no better than a bully and Ryan didn't want to force McKenzie to submit, not like this. Above all, Ryan wanted willing surrender.

Ryan felt the aggressive energy drain from her in an instant as she hesitantly lowered her hands from the wall to McKenzie's shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quietly.

McKenzie sagged in relief, and then allowed Ryan to pull her into a gentle hug. Ryan held her and kissed the girl's silky hair.

"I'm really sorry," Ryan said again. "I shouldn't have pushed you like that. It wasn't fair. When you're ready to talk, I'll be here. Okay?"

McKenzie nodded against Ryan's chest.

Ryan rested her cheek on top of McKenzie's head, her arms pulling McKenzie a little tighter against her body. She just needed to feel the girl, feel her solid presence.

"I love you, McKenzie. I... I didn't mean to scare you... Are we..." Ryan felt her chest getting tight and breathed through it. "Are we okay?" Ryan asked in a whisper.

McKenzie drew back to look up at Ryan. The woman's face was tight, like she was in physical pain.

"We're okay," McKenzie said as she unconsciously squeezed Ryan's hips.

Ryan nodded in acceptance, then looked everywhere but at McKenzie as the girl continued.

"And you didn't... You didn't really scare me. You stopped when I asked you to. I just... I'm trying to process and... I just need some time."

Ryan nodded jerkily, still keeping her eyes on the wall behind McKenzie.

McKenzie loosened her hold and brought her hands up to cup Ryan's cheeks, gently bringing the woman's focus down to meet her eyes.

"Are you okay?" McKenzie asked.

Ryan swallowed, trying to stop her heart from hammering against her sternum.

"I don't know how to do this," Ryan whispered.

"Do what?"

"This. Us. I feel like... I never should've brought you here. You're seeing stuff here that you're not ready for and... and I'm feeling..." Ryan trailed off, wanting to look away, but trapped by McKenzie's patient gaze and gentle hold on her face.

"What are you feeling?"

"Everything," Ryan breathed. "But I know I'm playing too rough with you. I want to take what I want from you, but not if you're not willing to give it. That's what power exchange is. It's mutual. That's why it works, otherwise it's abuse. I... I want too much from you and I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry, please. You're not doing anything I don't want you to do, okay? I just... My brain is on overload and I need to think about a few things before we talk about any of it. And we will talk about it, just... not right now."

Ryan nodded as McKenzie continued.

"And just because I'm... Okay, I'm freaking out a little, but that doesn't mean I'm not ready for this stuff. And really, how else am I supposed to get ready? You said before this was one of the ways I'm going to earn my PhD in kink, right?" McKenzie said with a smile, finally getting a grin from the other woman.

"Yeah, I think you just skipped a few grades," Ryan said.

"I've always been a fast learner," McKenzie smirked.

They both turned their heads at the same time when a thump reverberated behind them, and then they heard a moan sound faintly through one of the doors on the opposite wall.

They turned back to face each other. McKenzie's eyebrow lifted in question and Ryan smiled.

"Yeah, this is sort of the cheap motel part of the club. That's why there's hardly anyone in here most of the time, to give people a little extra privacy. I didn't mean for us to hang out in here for so long."

"Have you...?" McKenzie asked, gesturing with her chin to the bathrooms.

"Yeah, a few times, but usually it was out there in the exhibition rooms."

"Is that something... Is that another one of those things you want me to do that you don't know if I'll want to?"

Ryan shook her head.

"I'm not a hardcore exhibitionist. It was usually something the people I was with enjoyed and it's never bothered me, so... Plus, the rooms are free, as long as you're putting on a show, and any equipment you request is free, too, so it's a way to get to test out a few things without paying an arm and a leg... Well, I guess that is the cost, since it's kind of hard to play without getting at least a little naked."

"I don't know. My first time with you I never even took my clothes off."

"True. I've had to get a little creative with you."

They both smiled and Ryan reached for McKenzie's hand as they headed for the double doors. They exited into the dining area where music thumped out of the speakers on the stage, the costume contest having just finished. People were already filling the small dance floor while others stood in small groups around the room, moving to remixes of the most recent hits.

Ryan started leading them down the hall to go back to the demonstration when McKenzie saw Britt waving at them. McKenzie tugged on Ryan's arm to get her attention. When Ryan turned to look, McKenzie pointed to where Britt was sitting in one of the U-shaped booths against the far wall with the two women McKenzie had seen before.

Ryan nodded and changed directions. When they got closer, Ryan grabbed a couple chairs from a nearby empty table and held one out for McKenzie before sitting next to her at the end of the small booth.

"I wondered where you guys got off to. Have fun back there?" Britt asked with a smirk.

Ryan rolled her eyes.

"We were just talking."

"Right," Britt said, clearly unconvinced. She turned to McKenzie. "I don't think you guys have been properly introduced. This is Syd and Jasmine. Guys, this is McKenzie, Ryan's girl."

McKenzie felt a warm blush rise over her cheeks at Britt's designation for her as she nodded hellos to each woman in turn. From what McKenzie had seen as they walked up, her earlier assessment about their lack of costumes had been right.

Syd was wearing black jeans, a black T-shirt, and a black bomber jacket, which contrasted with her spiky blonde hair and pale skin. Jasmine was dressed a little more colorfully in a burgundy scoop neck crushed velvet top and ripped blue jeans. Her black afro, cropped short and faded along the sides, was highlighted with auburn accents.

"You missed the best part," Britt continued once the introductions were done. "Alice went to town on her boy and had him begging like I haven't heard in a long time. It was fuckin' awesome."

"Cool. I wish they'd show that kind of thing more often," Ryan said.

"No shit," Jasmine said and the other women snickered.

Ryan tsked.

"No, not like that, ya dipshits. I mean some of the Doms around here get a little snooty when it comes to that kind of thing."

"Well, not everyone's as open-minded as we are," Britt said.

"What are you guys talking about?" McKenzie asked.

Ryan turned to face her.

"Some Doms refuse to go down on their subs. They see it as a position of service."

"Isn't it?"

"Well, it certainly can be, but it's not something that's intrinsic to the act itself," Ryan said.

"And there she goes," Syd quipped.

"What? I'm just explaining."

"Please, go on, professor," Jasmine said as she propped her chin in both hands and feigned rabid interest.

The other two followed suit.

"Assholes," Ryan muttered and the three women laughed, dropping the act and relaxing back in their seats with grins. "Fine. One of you can do the honors."

"Thank you, my good woman, I shall," Britt said, slipping out of the booth to stand and bow regally to Ryan in her medieval costume.

McKenzie tried not to laugh at their antics, but she could tell Ryan wasn't nearly as annoyed as she was pretending to be, especially when she gave McKenzie a quick wink.

Britt cleared her throat.

"What my learned colleague was trying to impress upon you, young miss—"

"Okay, seriously?" Syd interrupted Britt's horrible lofty accent.

Britt grinned and sat back down with a plop.

"You guys are absolutely no fun." She turned to McKenzie. "What it boils down to is, whoever exerts the power and control, that's the top or Dom. No matter what they're doing. And if you've given up the power and control, you're the bottom. Or sub or slave, whatever term you prefer."

McKenzie frowned.

"But I thought it was more about the... Well, the tying up and the whipping and... and the fucking. And who's doing the tying up versus who's being tied up and all that."

"Damn, I love a woman with a potty mouth," Jasmine said, staring heatedly at McKenzie.

Ryan snapped her fingers in front of Jasmine's face, causing her to jerk back and look at Ryan in annoyance.

"Mine," Ryan said succinctly.

"Hey, I was just admiring. No need to get all bent out of shape."

"Do I look bent?"

"Well, you do have that one cock that hangs a little to the left," Syd pointed out and everyone laughed.

"Back to McKenzie's question..." Britt said pointedly as she turned to the girl again. "You're right. There are some things that are inherently top or bottom activities, though I'm sure some people would argue even that can go out the window during sensation play." At McKenzie's look of confusion, Britt went on. "Sensation play doesn't have to involve power exchange, though a lot of times it does. It's more about stimulating the body to feel certain things, like playing with a feather or ice."

"Right," Jasmine said. "But purely sexual acts can go either way."

Ryan rolled her eyes.

"That's all I was going to say a minute ago."

"But I wanted to say it," Jasmine grinned. "Sexual. Sex. It just rolls off the tongue, don't you think?"

"You know it's impossible to have a conversation with you people, right?" Ryan said as she shook her head in mock exasperation.

McKenzie grinned, glad to see Ryan enjoying herself. It was fun getting to watch the woman cut loose and relax. Not that Ryan never joked with her or Karen, but McKenzie realized, other than her previous visit to the Club, she'd never really spent any time around Ryan when she was just hanging out with her friends. They'd always spent time one-on-one or with Karen at her house, or she'd seen her in passing at the bookstore sometimes while Ryan was working.

McKenzie picked up the thread of the conversation and jumped back in.

"Okay, but I don't see how going down on someone isn't... Well... You're servicing them. I mean that's one of the euphemisms for it, isn't it? So how can that not be subservient?"

Ryan caught McKenzie's gaze and stared intently into her eyes.

"If I had you tied to my bed spread-eagled and I was sucking on your clit, making you come over and over again, do you really think you'd be the one in control? Would you really be thinking I was 'servicing' you at that point?"

McKenzie shook her head as she bit back a whimper and clenched her thighs around her suddenly aching clit.

"You do have a way with words, don't you?" Britt said admiringly.

McKenzie managed to drag her eyes away from Ryan and took several deep breaths. Having the other women there made a good distraction and kept her from giving in to her urge to straddle Ryan's lap.

"God, I need to get laid," Jasmine complained.

"You just had Alicia between your legs two days ago," Britt reminded her.

"That was two days ago... And it was Alicia," Jasmine added, pulling a face. "That girl may be hot, but she hasn't got a clue what to do with her tongue."

"I could always tie you up," Syd offered.

"I'm claustrophobic," Jasmine said flatly. "And what is it with the rope thing? Sure, it's an art form, but how is that arousing? You can barely swing a whip."

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm taking classes for that."

"Why don't you just take lessons from Ryan?" McKenzie asked.

Everyone looked at her and even Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"What? I've just heard stories," McKenzie said, trying to ignore the blush she felt crawling up her neck.

"Which stories? And from who?" Ryan asked.

"Oh, um, well, actually, it was just one story... about this woman who passed out or something. One of Claire's friends mentioned it to her and she told me."

"Oh yeah! Fainting goat woman!" Britt exclaimed.

"That's not very nice," Ryan chastised.

"What she did to you wasn't very nice either," Britt said a little more seriously.

"I don't think she did it on purpose," Ryan said.

"What did she do?" McKenzie asked. "And why do you call her that?"

"She had a tattoo of Pan on her shoulder. He's half goat," Britt said, and then turned to Ryan. "Come on. You have to tell this story."

"I just can't believe it's still circulating. That was over three years ago."

Ryan sighed, glancing at McKenzie, who was waiting patiently.

"All right. So this woman came in one night. She was in town on business for something, but she was a member of one of the other branches, which gives you access to any of the Clubs. I think she was from the one in Florida.

"Anyway, she caught my eye and I introduced myself and she said she was just looking for a nice whipping scene to blow off some steam and relax. We negotiated a few specifics, but she seemed like she had a clue, so I didn't go into too much detail. My mistake.

"Well, everything was going fine. She was getting off. I was enjoying being able to go a little rougher, since she was so into it... And then she stopped making sound and I had about three seconds to realize what she was doing and catch her before she dislocated a shoulder or broke her wrist."

McKenzie frowned in confusion.

"I don't understand. What happened?"

"She was into breath play and neglected to mention it," Britt supplied. "She ended up passing out and poor Ryan was stuck holding her up and started yelling for us to come in and help her, since she couldn't do that and get to the wrist restraints at the same time. It was fuckin' insane."

"Breath play?" McKenzie questioned.

"It's where you hold your breath or someone else chokes you," Syd explained. "Oxygen deprivation during orgasm causes a heightened state of euphoria, making it feel even more intense."

"Right, and I had no problem with that," Ryan said. "But if I'd known she was going to do that, I never would've restrained her standing up. Though honestly, I think it was a spur of the moment thing on her part. She was in a new place, playing with someone she didn't know, and I think she just forgot. Of course, now I only use quick release clasps, so I won't make that mistake again."

"Yeah, well, she's lucky we didn't have to call an ambulance," Britt said. "I think she still ended up getting banned for a month for that shit. You don't fuck with people like that."

"Communication is key," Syd intoned.

McKenzie continued to watch Ryan as the conversation moved on. She wondered why she didn't feel some kind of jealousy over the woman Ryan had so casually talked about whipping. McKenzie had been intensely jealous of Alicia as soon as she'd noticed Alicia's continued interest and found out about their past history.

Maybe it was the distance. This particular woman had only been with Ryan once years ago and hadn't even been a local. Though Alicia had only been with Ryan once as well, so that didn't quite work.

McKenzie thought it might have something to do with how Britt had referred to her as 'Ryan's girl,' and then Ryan had staked her claim with a simple 'mine.' But the way she'd said it... McKenzie felt tingles run up and down her spine again in memory.

"Damn. Now that's what I call a seduction," Britt said.

McKenzie pulled her eyes away from Ryan and followed the other women's gazes to the small dance floor in front of the stage.

The area was packed, but a couple on the outer edge immediately caught her attention. A woman who couldn't have been much older than McKenzie was dancing around a guy who was practically standing still with his arms crossed.

The woman slid her body all over his, walking around him and rubbing up against his back, then slipping around to the front again. She hit her knees and for a second, McKenzie thought the woman might actually be about to give a much more explicit show, but she just whipped her hair around before climbing back up the guy's body. She pulled on his crossed arms, getting him to relax and put his hands on her hips. Then they simply moved to the music.

"At least somebody's getting laid tonight," Jasmine said.

McKenzie turned back and caught Ryan's gaze.

"Are you going to tell me that's not a sub thing?" McKenzie said. "There's no way a Dom would ever dance like that for their sub."

"Oh, that sounded like a challenge," Britt said.

"It did, didn't it?" Ryan said, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

McKenzie's eyes widened.

"Wait, what? No. I wasn't..." McKenzie stopped speaking as Ryan pushed away from the table and stood up.

Before McKenzie could protest any further, Ryan grabbed the arm of her chair and swiftly dragged it around with a loud scrape along the tiled floor. The sudden movement made McKenzie gasp and the harsh vibration went straight to her clit through her thin tights.

Ryan shrugged out of her leather jacket and tossed it onto her empty chair before moving to stand in front of McKenzie whose back was to the table now. The girl was staring up at her with wide-eyed fear and Ryan smirked as she let her body find the beat of the music thumping out of the speakers nearby.

Ryan held McKenzie's gaze as she began thrusting her hips provocatively from side-to-side in time with the throbbing bass. She let one hand hang behind her as she slicked the other back through her hair, then slid it down the side of her throat, catching her fingers in the opening of her T-shirt to stretch it down.

She let the material go as she continued down the center of her chest, turning her hand to push it down her stomach until she was sliding her fingers over her crotch. As she brought her other hand up to comb through her hair again, she stepped wide and circled her hips suggestively, still holding her mound for several beats before tossing her hands to the side and then bringing her legs together again.

McKenzie couldn't take her eyes off Ryan as the woman seesawed her shoulders, her hips moving in counterpoint before she rolled her chest seductively. Then Ryan stomped her feet to each side, thrusting her pelvis diagonally with each step and McKenzie felt her stomach clench at the thought of Ryan thrusting against her like that.

Ryan smiled and winked as she saw McKenzie suck in a breath and grip her thighs a little tighter. She couldn't help touching herself the way she wished she could let McKenzie touch her. She slid her hands down her thighs, then dragged them back up to her stomach, catching the bottom edge of her tight T-shirt with two fingers. She pulled the hem up to offer the girl a tantalizing glimpse of her flexing abs before letting it drop back down again.

Ryan circled her hips, slowly at first, then faster as her hands moved upwards, skimming over her breasts. She felt her nipples tighten in response, but she kept going, sliding her hands along her neck and into her hair. Sweat trickled down her back and she didn't think twice as she reached down to rip her shirt off over her head and tossed it onto her chair, leaving her in just her black leather bra.

McKenzie tried to control her breathing, but she knew it was a lost cause as her eyes took in all the newly exposed flesh glistening with sweat. Then she lost the ability to blink as Ryan dropped to her knees, her thighs spread wide as she leaned back, her hips thrusting with each thump of the pounding bass.

Ryan smirked up at McKenzie as she dragged one hand down to her sex again while she used the other to brace behind her and lazily circled her hips. She bit her bottom lip as she felt the seam of her pants rubbing against her crotch and pulled tighter with her hand to increase the pressure, imagining grinding against McKenzie as she moved. Then she tensed her abs and brought both of her hands up to her head as she stopped circling and simply pumped her hips up towards McKenzie in an obvious demonstration of her skills.

McKenzie felt the air leave her lungs and all the blood rushed to her clit as she watched Ryan fuck the empty space between them to the beat of the music. Then her mouth dropped open in unconscious shock as Ryan used only her abdominal muscles to bring herself back up to a vertical position, her hands still behind her head as she lifted first one knee to step wide to one side, then the other, to climb back to her feet in one fluid motion.

Ryan stood in place, still grinding her mound towards McKenzie's face as she slid her hands down her chest and briefly grabbed her breasts. Then she brought her hands back up to comb through her hair again as she let the movement of her hips slowly turn her in a circle.

As Ryan gyrated away from her, McKenzie found her eyes drawn to the woman's leather-clad ass as it swayed suggestively only a few feet in front of her. Then Ryan was facing her again and McKenzie stopped breathing as she watched Ryan's hand push down beneath the edge of her waistband. McKenzie glanced up. Ryan's eyes were closed and she was biting her lip in obvious pleasure.

McKenzie felt her sex swell at the sight, and then Ryan slid her hand up her body, bringing the tips of her glistening fingers to her mouth. She sucked the digits in and McKenzie reflexively swallowed at the same time Ryan did. As Ryan dragged her fingers from her mouth, she opened her eyes and McKenzie felt her heart stop, only to start up again at breakneck speed as Ryan stared at her with unadulterated lust.

Good God, the woman is sex.

The bass suddenly intensified as the music sped up and another layer was added to the thumping beat. Ryan deepened her movements, her steps stomping as she thrust her hips forward.

The music hit its peak and Ryan's hips never stopped moving as she rolled her chest and shoulders, letting the undulations carry through to her pelvis. She whipped her head around, tossing her hair from one side to the other, and then flicked her hair back out of her eyes, her gaze never leaving McKenzie's for more than a moment.

It took all of McKenzie's willpower not to slide out of her chair and onto her knees in supplication as she stared up at Ryan. The woman's breasts bounced in time to the music and her muscled abs flexed with each hard thrust of her chest and pelvis. McKenzie knew if she could be granted any wish at that moment, it would be to have Ryan pin her up against a wall and gyrate against her like that.

Finally, the song ended, shifting seamlessly into a new one, and Ryan stopped dancing. Applause and wolf whistles sounded behind her and she turned around to bow theatrically to her unintended audience. Calls for more sounded out, but Ryan just smiled and shook her head as she waved them away.

Ryan turned back to face McKenzie again, combing her fingers through her sweat-dampened hair as she took a few moments to catch her breath. Finally, she leaned over McKenzie and braced her hands on the arms of the chair.

"So..." Ryan stared into McKenzie's eyes and the girl couldn't look away. "Do you feel like you're the one in control right now?"

McKenzie shook her head slowly.

"And if I was the one sitting there and you were standing up here dancing for me, do you think you'd somehow be the one in control then?"

McKenzie shook her head again.

"It's always about who's doing it and why," Ryan said quietly.

McKenzie nodded as Ryan stood back up. Ryan picked up her shirt and jacket and hung them over the back of her chair. Then she pulled McKenzie's chair back around to face the table again before retaking her own seat.

"I bet you won all the debates in high school, huh," Jasmine said.

"I think that would've been flagged as cheating," Syd smirked.

Ryan shook her head and laughed.

"Sometimes a practical demonstration is the only way to get your point across."

"Paddles work well for that, too," Britt said.

"That is so true," Jasmine agreed.

As they continued discussing the finer points of spanking as a means for more direct communication, McKenzie leaned closer to Ryan and Ryan did the same so they were almost cheek-to-cheek, allowing them to whisper into each other's ears without being overheard.

"I had no idea you could do that," McKenzie said, her voice full of awe.

Ryan grinned against the girl's cheek.

"I took a few lessons from Suni. She teaches more than just belly dancing."

McKenzie spoke her next thought, unable to censor herself.

"After watching you move like that, all I can think about is how much I want you to take me home and fuck my brains out."

Ryan gripped the arm of her chair, mostly so she wouldn't pull McKenzie into her lap and start fingering her right there.

"You have no idea how much I want to do that," Ryan said in a strained voice.

McKenzie heard the need and responded without thinking.

"Please, Ryan. What you said before about tying me down and... and licking my pussy... I know I could handle that... More than handle it. I-I think I could even take one of your cocks, if it was one of the smaller ones. I just... I need you to make me come, my Lord. Please," McKenzie whispered hotly into the woman's ear.

"Fucking hell," Ryan groaned as the wood creaked under her death grip.

Ryan barely managed to push herself back into her own chair and away from McKenzie. Then she made the mistake of looking into McKenzie's pleading eyes and almost kicked her chair over when she stood up too abruptly. She reached for her discarded shirt and pulled it roughly over her head, barely taking a moment to fluff her hair out from under it before grabbing her jacket.

"Going somewhere?" Britt asked as the three women looked at her with identical smirks on their faces.

"Yeah, we're gonna head out. We'll see ya later," Ryan said as she pulled McKenzie to her feet.

"Later," Jasmine said sweetly with a little wave and the others repeated the farewell.

Ryan's grip on McKenzie's upper arm never loosened as she half dragged the girl out of the Club and across the parking lot. When they got to the motorcycle, Ryan let go of McKenzie and tossed her jacket over the seat. She paced several steps back and forth in front of the bike as she fluttered her shirt to force the cold air against her overheated skin. She ran her hands through her hair and groaned in frustration.

"I'm sorry," McKenzie offered quietly.

Ryan stopped and looked at her.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I'm just..."

"As turned on as I am?"

Ryan nodded.

"And trying very hard to talk myself out of doing exactly what you want me to."

McKenzie's eyes widened.

"You mean you're actually considering..."

"Oh, I'm way past considering. I'm already thinking about which restraints to use, how to attach them to your bed, what your lips will look like stretched around my cock, whether I should whip you before or after your first orgasm, since orgasm will make your skin more sensitive, how many times I can make you come before you start begging me to stop, how many more times I can make you come after that... God, I'm this close to fucking you right here in the goddamn parking lot."

Ryan groaned again and went back to pacing.

McKenzie watched her walk back and forth and tried to think of something to say or do to calm the woman. As Ryan had gone down her stream-of-consciousness list, McKenzie had realized, where her brain stopped with the most basic of fantasies, Ryan's kept going, drawing on her greater experience.

"Ryan," McKenzie spoke into the crisp night air.

Ryan stopped and waited, her eyes glittering in the darkness as she looked at McKenzie, and McKenzie couldn't help thinking that this must be what prey saw when it looked into the eyes of its predator... just before being devoured. McKenzie swallowed thickly.

"You... You know I'm not ready for most of... that."

"It doesn't stop me from wanting to take it from you anyway," Ryan said quietly. "And you begging me to fuck you just now..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't thinking."

Ryan shook her head.

"I've just never had to hold back like this before. I don't have a defense against this... Against you."

"What about... I mean there had to be some times when you couldn't do all that with someone... wasn't there?"

Ryan nodded as she stared at the asphalt.

"Yeah. There was almost always something I couldn't do with certain people because of their limits... But there was always something I could do instead that satisfied that... need."

Ryan looked up.

"But with you, I... I can't... I can't touch you. I can't..."

Ryan groaned again.

"God, I want to feel you come in my arms, on my cock, my tongue, my fingers... I want to hear you scream in ecstasy... It's physically painful not to have you in my arms, but I'm afraid to even get on my bike with you because I'm not sure what I'll do if I actually touch you right now."

McKenzie felt her sex clench with need. She darted a glance around the parking lot. It was full of cars, but no people. One of the far corners of the walled in area looked particularly secluded with several large trees crammed between the wall and the start of the paved parking spaces.

"Come on," McKenzie said as she walked past Ryan, grabbing her hand on the way.

"What..."

McKenzie kept walking, pulling Ryan behind her, until she reached the cinderblock wall. She dropped Ryan's hand and pressed herself back against the rough concrete. She looked around, confirming it would be almost impossible for anyone to see them through the trees unless they got within a few car lengths, though there was still enough light reflected from several far-off street lamps and the usual overhead light pollution for them to see each other just fine. She looked up into Ryan's questioning gaze.

"I know we could go back inside to one of the restrooms and do this, but I'm hoping we can somehow not break the rule and I... I don't think either one of us could handle being that close in there right now, so..."

McKenzie took a deep breath.

"There are no restraints for you to be tempted to use here or... or one of your cocks or whips... It's just us, like it's always been... If... If you can handle just watching... and not touching... I want to come for you. Will you let me? May I come for you, my Lord?"

Ryan felt desire flood her body as blood rushed to her sex, making it ache in a matter of moments.

"On your knees," Ryan commanded.

McKenzie dropped instantly to the sparse brown grass, not even feeling it as her knees hit the ground.

"Pull your pants down, including your underwear."

McKenzie slid her leggings and panties down her hips, then her thighs. Without being told, she lifted up slightly to push them past her knees and kept working them down to her calves, until the tops of her boots forced her to stop. She straightened up again and leaned back against the wall, sitting on the backs of her heels and spreading her thighs as far apart as she could. She gasped as the cold air hit her wet sex.

"Now your top and bra."

McKenzie lifted the front of her loose tank top over her head, feeling the material stretch under her arms and go taut across the back of her neck. She was glad her bra clasped in the front so she was able to simply unhook it and pull the cups aside to reveal her breasts. Her nipples, already hard, tightened even more in response to the chilly night air.

"My God, you're exquisite," Ryan breathed.

McKenzie looked like something out of a pin-up magazine in her black leather boots and open leather jacket, the small handcuff key glinting on its chain between her tits, while her entire front was exposed from her neck to her knees.

"Massage those beautiful breasts for me."

McKenzie reached up, wrapping her warms hands around her cooling globes and moaned. She squeezed, pushing her hardened peaks between her fingers.

"Pinch your nipples between your fingers, just like they are now."

McKenzie pressed her fingers together hard where her tits were trapped between the sides of her knuckles. She gasped at the sharp pain and thrust her pussy forward in unconscious appeal.

"Roll your tits between your fingers."

McKenzie scissored her fingers back and forth, whimpering with each new jolt of pleasurable pain that shot straight to her clit. Her hips bucked up repeatedly against the air.

"God, please... Please, my Lord. I don't... I don't need foreplay... I really don't."

"But I need to torment you," Ryan replied reasonably. "I need to see that look of agony on your face, the way you bite your lip to keep from crying out. I want to see you desperate for me."

"I am! Please, I..." McKenzie wasn't sure if she should say it or not, but one look at Ryan standing over her and her thoughts spilled from her lips. "Oh God, I want you to fuck me. I want your fingers inside me. I want to feel you fucking me against this wall. I'm so wet and I'll come so hard for you, my Lord. Please... Please, let me rub my clit. Please..."

Ryan's sex tightened and she reached for her belt to undo the buckle.

"I can see how swollen you are from here," Ryan said. "You're gonna go off the second you touch your clit. So I want you to reach one hand behind yourself and massage your asshole. Drag your come back to get it wet."

McKenzie whimpered in frustration, but did as she was told. She released one of her tits and slid her arm back around her asscheek to reach up under herself. She was surprised at how close everything was, even if it did require her to arch her back a little. She easily found her dripping entrance and used all four fingers to draw her come up her crack to paint her anus with the slick substance.

"Oh God," McKenzie gasped as her fingers rubbed over the sensitive opening.

Her ass tried to push back against the new stimulus, which caused her chest to jut forward.

"Don't stop pinching your nipple."

McKenzie got the hand on her tit moving again. It took a bit to coordinate the movements, but soon she was circling her asshole in counterpoint to the massaging and pinching of her breast.

Ryan watched, spellbound, as McKenzie moaned and whimpered in time with her rocking hips. The girl kept trying to press back against the hand behind her, only to thrust her chest forward against the other at her breast. Every time her pelvis lifted, Ryan could see her swollen clit poking out from its hood, glistening in the low light.

Ryan undid the button fly on her pants, letting them slip down to her hips, her slightly widened stance and the gun strapped to her thigh keeping them from falling any farther. She was just as close to orgasm as McKenzie was, so she merely slid her fingers along the upper edge of her pubic hair.

McKenzie couldn't drag her eyes away from Ryan. The way her belt and the front of her leather pants splayed open, revealing her dark curly thatch, made McKenzie's lips swell at the thought of getting to taste the woman. She watched Ryan's fingers as they grazed across the top of her exposed pubic mound, ruffling her hair with each pass.

McKenzie suddenly grunted as her middle finger slid just inside her anus. She looked up at Ryan's face in alarm as she hastily pulled the tip out.

"I-I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay. I should've warned you that might happen. It's the angle. You won't be able to enter yourself more than a knuckle or two, but it's okay if you do. I won't punish you. In fact... Go ahead. I want to see the look on your face as you enter your ass intentionally for the first time."

McKenzie held Ryan's gaze as she let her middle finger push forward again. Her ass felt so much more open in this position than the last time she'd touched herself there while lying on her back. Her finger slid inside and McKenzie's eyes closed involuntarily as her head fell back against the wall, a low groan forcing its way from her chest.

"Oh my God," McKenzie whispered as pleasure pulsed through her and she rocked her hips back to meet her gently thrusting finger. "Oh fuck, yes..." McKenzie opened her eyes again and stared up through hooded lids at Ryan. "Please... Please, my Lord... Please... Anything... Just let me come... Please..."

"Touch your clit and don't stop until you've come at least twice for me," Ryan said as she finally let her fingers seek out her own throbbing sex.

McKenzie slid the hand at her breast down her stomach and into her pubic hair. The cold edge of the handcuffs secured around her wrist barely even registered on her skin, she was so focused on finally getting some relief.

Her fingers didn't have far to go. Her clit was so swollen, pushed up even more by her engorged lips, that it sat high and exposed to the cold air. Her whole sex was drenched and her warm fingers slid over the cool slippery nub.

"Ungh! Oh God! Oh fuck!"

McKenzie jerked against the fingers on her clit, sharp bolts of pleasure drawing high-pitched cries from her throat as she climaxed. She unconsciously pushed the finger in her ass as far as she could reach and felt her sphincter muscles clenching around the lone digit, multiplying her pleasure.

Ryan was already coming as she watched McKenzie's hips pump up to meet her fingers over and over again. The harsh grunts the girl let loose only drove Ryan higher and she matched McKenzie's gasping cries with her own yells of triumph.

McKenzie slowed her movements as her orgasm waned, but she didn't stop. Even without Ryan's instruction, McKenzie knew her body hadn't been sated. She wanted more. With every circle of her fingers around her clit, she pushed her middle finger deeper inside her tight little asshole. Her hips rocked against the slow rhythm and as she looked up at Ryan, she couldn't help thrusting her mound up just a little more in offering to the woman.

Ryan's hand had a mind of its own as it pressed hard little circles over her clit. It didn't matter that her orgasm had tapered off moments ago. She was still in need, still feeling like she hadn't even come yet. McKenzie was the very picture of submission and lust as she undulated in front of Ryan. Ryan could hear the metallic slide of the cuffs as they rubbed against each other with each circle of McKenzie's fingers on her sex and Ryan's own fingers sped up their movements.

McKenzie's mouth was hanging open as she panted and Ryan could just imagine how good it would feel to have the girl's lips on her clit. She could almost feel her hand on the back of McKenzie's head as she pressed her warm wet mouth harder against her mound, the girl's tongue licking all around her...

"Oh God, McKenzie!" Ryan cried out as she suddenly hit her second peak.

Ryan heard McKenzie whimper in sympathy and Ryan had to plant her feet to keep from collapsing. She wanted to lean against the wall for support, but she knew if she took those few steps closer to McKenzie, she'd be fucking her on the ground in the space of a heartbeat.

McKenzie's eyes were glued to Ryan's hand between her legs. The woman hadn't stopped working herself and McKenzie knew Ryan was on her way to a third orgasm.

McKenzie quickened her thrusting in and out of her ass as she mashed her fingers harder against her clit. She pressed her upper back and head against the rough concrete wall to gain leverage and arched her lower back, pushing down on the finger in her ass.

The move seemed to open her even wider and her finger slid faster in and out of the tight ring of muscle. McKenzie felt her stomach clenching with increased pleasure and she began tensing her thigh muscles in a new rhythm, her breaths gasping.

"Ryan... Yes... Ryan... Ohh Ryan... Ungh... Ryan!"

McKenzie stopped breathing as an intense spasm racked her body and she bucked against her fingers for several silent moments before suddenly inhaling again. She cried out with each wave of ecstasy, her eyes squeezed shut as she forced her fingers even harder against her clit, her other finger buried in her ass.

Watching McKenzie buck as she yelled Ryan's name over and over again was the final push and Ryan was coming before she knew it, her legs shaking with the strain of standing as ripples of pleasure seized her muscles. Harsh gasps forced their way out of her chest as her stomach clenched over and over again. Her hips rocked forward, desperate to be thrusting inside McKenzie.

Eventually, the spasms eased off and Ryan was able to stand up from her partially doubled over position. McKenzie was quiet, her eyes closed, her chest still heaving as she worked to catch her breath. Ryan wiped her fingers off on the inside of her pants. She reached into the small inside pocket located near her hip and pulled out a cleansing wipe packet before buttoning her pants up again.

"McKenzie?" Ryan called gently.

McKenzie opened her eyes and looked up. She carefully extricated her fingers and wiped her hands on the grass.

"Here," Ryan said, holding out the packet.

McKenzie took it and then smiled.

"You really come prepared, don't you?"

Ryan shrugged.

"I always keep a couple of those handy. And these pants have a pocket specially made for them... or a condom."

McKenzie just nodded as she tore open the package and used the wipe on her fingers. She finished and stuffed it back into the packet and Ryan held out her hand to take it back.

Ryan shoved it in her pocket for later disposal and then waited as McKenzie climbed unsteadily to her feet and worked to put her clothes back to rights.

When she was done, McKenzie leaned back against the wall with a sigh and looked at Ryan with a lazy smile.

"I really needed that. Thank you."

Ryan took the last few steps to close the distance between them and pulled McKenzie into a hug. She kissed the side of McKenzie's head, nuzzling into her hair, and felt her whole body sigh in relief.

"God, I love you, McKenzie. I don't know how you knew to do this, but... thank you."

"Desperation," McKenzie mumbled. "I... I've realized... I'm not ready for what you want to do to me." McKenzie felt Ryan tense against her and quickly went on. "Don't get me wrong, I want it... God, do I want it," McKenzie practically groaned, not even a little surprised when she felt her arousal trying to kick back up. "But... As much as I hate to say it, you're right. I need to keep the training wheels on a little while longer... despite the fact that I keep trying to rip them off with a crowbar."

Ryan chuckled and squeezed McKenzie a little tighter.

"It's all right. I like how sexually aggressive you are. It's a complete turn on knowing you want me as much as I want you. I'm just hoping between the two of us we can keep you safe until you're really ready."

"I think we've been doing okay so far... Haven't we?"

"Yeah. It's been a little iffy a few times, but... Yeah."

They continued to stand there holding each other for several more minutes until Ryan shivered against the cold.

"I think I'm ready to go now," Ryan said.

McKenzie nodded and they walked hand in hand back to Ryan's motorcycle. Ryan scooped up her jacket and threw it on, zipping it up all the way to the top. Ryan helped McKenzie put on her heated liner, then they both put on their gloves and helmets.

A short while later, they were pulling into Ryan's driveway. McKenzie took off the riding gear and Ryan put it away before walking McKenzie across the grass to the girl's door.

McKenzie fingered the cuffs on her wrist, then reached out to caress the badge on Ryan's belt.

"You are keeping this stuff, right?"

Ryan smiled.

"Yeah... Why?" Ryan asked knowingly.

McKenzie grinned through her rising blush.

"Just a couple fantasies I'd like to play out someday. If you're up for it."

Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"I think something could be arranged." She cleared her throat at McKenzie's heated gaze. "Actually... They have a jail room at the Club for just that sort of scene... And there's a car in another room, which doubles for traffic stops and backseat rendezvous."

"I really need to check out their site a little more. I haven't even gotten to the theme room section yet."

"They like to keep their patrons happy. Basically, if you can dream it up, they probably have a room that'll work for it."

"Something to keep in mind," McKenzie said quietly as she stared up at Ryan's mouth. "You know you have the most luscious lips."

Ryan's hand came up to cup McKenzie's cheek, her thumb already expecting to feel McKenzie's bottom lip, but she detoured at the last second, resting her palm flat against the door next to McKenzie's head.

"I think you need to go inside and lock the door now," Ryan said, her voice strained.

"You have a key," McKenzie supplied helpfully.

"Don't remind me."

Ryan pushed herself back from the door and away from the girl, but didn't move off the porch.

"Can I come over tomorrow? Well, later today," McKenzie amended.

"Yeah. I don't have a shift at the bookstore until Monday and I'm caught up with my clients, so unless something comes up, I should be free the whole weekend."

McKenzie smiled.

"Cool."

They stared at each other for several long moments, neither of them wanting to leave the other, but knowing they had to.

Ryan was the first to blink, finally looking away.

"Right... So, I'll, um, just..." She shook her head at her inability to form a complete sentence and smiled. "Goodnight."

"Night, Ryan."

McKenzie unlocked the door and opened it. She started to go in, then stopped and turned to watch Ryan make her way to her own door. She waited until Ryan waved at her and entered her apartment before finally stepping inside and closing the door behind her.

* * *

It was almost noon when Ryan opened her eyes. She was on her side, curled up, a fading dream of being repeatedly kicked in the stomach blending with the reality of the intense pain clawing at her abdomen.

"Oh, son of a bitch," Ryan whispered on a groan. Well, that explains a lot, the more analytical part of her mind acknowledged.

The days leading up to her period were always emotionally charged for her. No wonder she'd been crying at the drop of a hat and oversharing her abuse history when she normally kept that stuff under wraps.

Thankfully, she only had it a couple times a year. Though it was a good bet being around McKenzie so much while the girl had been cycling had probably helped kick it off this time.

"This so better not become a regular thing," Ryan grumbled.

She tried to straighten her legs, but they felt at least a hundred pounds too heavy to move.

Except she had to move. She needed to use the restroom, put a tampon in, and get some food, so she could take the prescription strength painkillers that would knock her out for the first day, which was always the worst.

"Oh God," Ryan groaned as she half slid, half pushed herself off the edge of the bed.

She got to her feet and stumbled into the bathroom. When she was done, she returned to her bed. The black sheets hid a multitude of sins, but she spread out a towel anyway. She went to her mini fridge and popped a frozen breakfast into the microwave stacked on top of it.

While it cooked, she went back to the bathroom and grabbed the medicine bottle from the cabinet and set it on her nightstand, along with a bottle of water from the fridge.

The microwave dinged and she replaced the food with one of her hot packs. She took the food over to the bed and then pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. The hot pack finished heating and she settled it against her aching stomach, the waistband of her shorts holding it in place.

Half an hour later, she'd finished her food and swallowed one of the tablets while streaming an old TV show. She could almost quote it from memory, she'd watched it so many times. She reheated the hot pack and settled back on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position as she waited for the drugs to take effect.

A knock on her door had her groaning. She got up, holding the heat to her belly as she shuffled to the door.

McKenzie's smile faltered when she saw Ryan's look of misery.

"What's wrong?"

Ryan let McKenzie in and then crawled back onto her bed.

"Period," Ryan said.

"Oh honey."

McKenzie sat on the edge of the bed facing Ryan and ran her fingers through the woman's hair.

Ryan lifted a single finger and pointed.

"You did this to me."

McKenzie's eyebrows raised.

"You make it sound like I got you pregnant. And you had periods before you met me, so it can't be all my fault."

"But I just had one in June," Ryan whined. "I wasn't due for another one until... December at the earliest. It was you... with your hormones... You just spread them around willy-nilly. Karen was right. You whammied me."

McKenzie laughed as Ryan looked up at her forlornly.

"Poor baby," McKenzie soothed as she rubbed her thumb gently over Ryan's temple and the woman's eyes slid closed. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"Mmm... Just keep doing that," Ryan mumbled. "Already took drugs," she said, gesturing vaguely to the bottle on the nightstand. "Should be kicking in soon... Or maybe they already have... Still hurts, though."

McKenzie watched the constant frown creasing Ryan's face as it deepened every so often when Ryan winced at a particularly sharp pain. McKenzie leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

Ryan just nodded.

McKenzie hurried back to her room and packed up her books, laptop, and tablet, along with a few other supplies she thought she might need, and then returned to Ryan's apartment. The woman was exactly where she'd left her, curled up in the fetal position on her side.

McKenzie hung her jacket on the computer chair and set her backpack on the other side of the bed. Then she kicked off her shoes and climbed in behind Ryan. McKenzie gently slid her arm around Ryan's side and slipped her hand under Ryan's shirt and the hot pack to rub over the woman's tense stomach. Ryan gave a soft half grunt, half moan.

"Is this too much?" McKenzie whispered.

"No... Feels good," Ryan said, rolling back a few inches to give McKenzie more room. "I'm prob'ly gonna crash in a minute. Sorry. Drugs knock me out. Make me stupid, too. Hate 'em." She sighed, then startled, struggling to open her eyes for a moment and failing. "If you wanna watch somethin', go ahead. Not like I'll notice."

"Okay. Maybe in a bit."

Ryan nodded, her eyes still closed.

McKenzie kept up the gentle circles on Ryan's belly as she watched the woman's face. It took a little while, but Ryan's breathing eventually grew deeper and slower, and her face relaxed into sleep.

McKenzie continued to move her hand, enjoying the feel of Ryan's skin beneath her fingers. She knew she should stop. They weren't supposed to touch sexually, but she'd long since gone past trying to soothe Ryan and was now taking great pleasure in touching the sleeping woman.

Her fingers widened their circular motion, gliding lower with each pass until the tips were skimming the edge of Ryan's pubic hair.

Ryan sighed in her sleep and McKenzie went completely still. Ryan didn't move and McKenzie started breathing again, her heart hammering in her chest. She carefully extricated her fingers until they were free of Ryan's shirt and then rolled onto her back, away from temptation.

Oh my God, what am I doing? She's in pain, she's drugged, and I'm trying to take advantage of her. Shit. Get it together, Kenzie.

McKenzie looked over at the sleeping woman.

Then again, she's the one who said orgasm helps with this stuff... But not when she's unconscious! Ugh!

McKenzie sat up and reached for her backpack. She just needed a distraction. She pulled out her things, setting her laptop on the nightstand. Then she saw her tablet. She hesitated for a moment, then picked it up and created a new file. She climbed off the bed and walked around to sit on the floor facing Ryan.

It wasn't exactly a distraction, but at least she wasn't in danger of molesting the poor woman anymore.

As she sketched in the most rudimentary lines, the image slowly took shape. She erased several marks and redrew them, trying to capture the exact way Ryan's face rested against her pillow, how the tendrils of her dark hair draped across her forehead and cheekbones, the total look of relaxation that left her looking as young as McKenzie herself.

McKenzie spent extra time on the curve of Ryan's lips, shading them just so, making sure they looked as plump and kissable on the screen as they did in real life.

She continued to work, adding all the little details that would bring the two-dimensional image to life, like Ryan's long eyelashes and the barest hint of shadows created by her messy strands of hair falling across her face.

McKenzie looked up to check reality against what was on her screen and froze.

Ryan's eyes were open and watching her.

"Can I see?" Ryan asked quietly.

McKenzie felt heat rise up her neck, but she nodded and pushed up onto her knees. She climbed onto the bed as Ryan scooted back to make room for her. McKenzie sat back against the pillows and held the tablet up so Ryan could see it from her still horizontal position curled on her side.

Ryan stared at it for a long time and McKenzie shifted uncomfortably.

"Is it okay? That I was drawing you?"

Ryan nodded and looked up at McKenzie.

"You really drew that just now?"

McKenzie frowned in confusion.

"Yeah. I mean it's been about..." McKenzie glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "Wow, um, four hours, but... Yeah."

Ryan slid her arm around McKenzie's waist and rested her head on the younger woman's hip, pulling herself closer and inhaling the clean scent of her jeans.

"I wish I had that kind of talent. I've never been able to do anything like that."

McKenzie set the tablet on the nightstand and let her arm drape around Ryan's shoulders.

"Well, I practice a lot... And it definitely helps to have a muse that looks like you," McKenzie said a little breathily. "And I've been drawing since I was a little kid, so it's not like I just woke up one day knowing how to do it." McKenzie caressed Ryan's upper arm. "You've never done anything... artistic?"

"Nope," Ryan said. "I had art classes in school and I did the assignments... when I could... But I was never any good at any of it." Ryan's fingers played with the seams at McKenzie's hip. "It's really... I think it's amazing how you know what you want to do with your life."

McKenzie laughed.

"I don't know about that. I know I want to 'do art,' but there's a ton of ways I could do that. That's why I took that temp job with that graphic design firm last summer, but then all I ended up doing was running around as an errand girl when their admin quit, so... But from what I did see, I don't think that's the route I want to go. You pretty much get a bunch of directives and then you have to make it exactly the way the client wants and it just felt... I don't know. Stressful."

"Sounds like what I do for web stuff. Not a lot of room for creativity, at least not the kind of stuff you do."

"I've thought about doing book covers, you know, for novels, that kind of thing. There's a lot of indie publishers looking for artists like that," McKenzie mused. "At least that's what Tina said. She's my academic advisor. She's pretty cool. She said I could also look into doing illustrations for children's books or even see about getting into doing art for graphic novels, if I wanted."

"Bet you could do movie posters, too," Ryan said, and then tensed as a sharp cramp made her grunt. "Damn. I think it's time for another dose." Ryan rolled over and sat up. She looked back at McKenzie. "You hungry? I've got a couple TV dinners... Unless you need to go."

"No, I'm good. All my study groups were canceled due to 'Halloween hangovers' I think was the term. Um, you want me to make us something?"

"They're just in the freezer."

McKenzie laughed and shook her head.

"No, I meant like actual food. I do know how to cook. I took an elective in 8th grade. And I help Karen all the time."

"Oh... Okay." Ryan shook her head. "Sorry. I'm a little out of it."

McKenzie tugged on Ryan's shoulder and gently pulled her back down on the bed.

"Why don't you just stay here and I'll see what I can scrounge up. Okay?"

Ryan looked up into McKenzie's gentle gaze and couldn't help reaching up to cup her cheek. Her thumb strayed to McKenzie's mouth, rubbing softly along her bottom lip.

"God, you're beautiful," Ryan whispered, feeling all the air leave her lungs.

McKenzie's hand came up, clasping around Ryan's wrist. She'd intended to pull Ryan's hand away, but instead she simply held it in place as she looked into Ryan's eyes and pursed her lips to kiss the pad of Ryan's thumb.

"You're making it very hard to remember you're under the influence, Ryan," McKenzie whispered.

"This is why I don't drink. I enjoy this feeling a little too much," Ryan admitted.

"What feeling?"

"The one that says there's no consequences. The one that says I could kiss you right now and it would be okay. That I'd be able to stop... even though I know I wouldn't."

McKenzie breathed in and out, trying to steady herself.

"Neither would I."

Ryan swallowed.

"Then you should... You should probably go."

McKenzie inhaled deeply and let it out slowly.

"No... No, I can do this." McKenzie gently pried Ryan's hand from her cheek and rested it against the mattress. "Just let me use the restroom real quick and then I'll go make us some food. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Ryan silently watched McKenzie climb off the bed and enter the bathroom. A couple minutes later, McKenzie came back out and headed into the house's main kitchen through the connecting door.

No one was home, so McKenzie went straight to the walk-in pantry to take inventory of her options. She'd seen which shelves were Ryan's when she'd helped the woman put away groceries a few times. The same for the oversized refrigerator.

McKenzie considered several recipes as she looked over the items available, but then decided to keep it simple and just made sandwiches. She balanced the plates on her arm as she reentered Ryan's apartment.

Ryan was just exiting the bathroom as McKenzie came in. Ryan crawled onto the bed, grunting with the effort. She propped herself up against the pillows and accepted the plate McKenzie offered her.

"Thanks. This looks good."

McKenzie nodded and went to the mini fridge to retrieve a couple bottles of water for them both. Then she sat down with her own plate at the foot of the bed.

They ate in silence. Halfway through, Ryan took another pain pill. When they were done, McKenzie took the plates back to the kitchen, rinsing them and setting them in the dishwasher. She came back to find Ryan on her side again, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

"Can I get anything else for you?" McKenzie asked as she sat on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan shifted and pulled the hot pack from her shorts.

"Could you reheat this, please?"

McKenzie took it and went to the microwave. Ryan told her the settings to use, and then McKenzie brought it back. Ryan tucked it against her stomach again as McKenzie retook her seat on the edge of the bed.

"God, I hate this," Ryan groaned. "I don't know how other women go through this every fucking month."

"Have you thought about going on the pill? I've heard it's supposed to help and I think you can even take it non-stop if you want, so you don't even get a period."

Ryan grimaced.

"Yeah, I tried that. The shit made me nauseous and killed my libido, which was unacceptable. I decided to just suck it up, since it's only a couple times a year. That's when my doctor gave me the major pain pills. It's the only time I take them."

McKenzie just nodded as she ran her fingers through Ryan's hair, brushing the strands back off her face in slow gentle strokes. Ryan closed her eyes and sighed.

"It feels so good when you touch me," Ryan whispered.

McKenzie's hand faltered for a second, then continued on its path through Ryan's hair.

"It feels good to touch you, too," McKenzie said. "I love being held by you and holding you. I really want to hold you right now."

Ryan pushed her body back from the edge of the bed, the invitation clear. McKenzie stood up for a moment to turn around, then sat down again, her back against the pillows at the head of the bed. Ryan settled her head on McKenzie's hip and wrapped her arm around the girl's waist the way she had earlier. McKenzie's hand took up its previous occupation of combing through Ryan's silken hair.

They were quiet for several minutes and then McKenzie heard Ryan sigh.

"I've never needed this before. I don't think I ever even wanted it," Ryan said quietly. "And now I feel like I can't breathe if I'm not touching you."

McKenzie felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She surreptitiously wiped them away.

"I feel the same way," McKenzie whispered. "I don't know if I've thanked you for changing that part of the rule, but thank you. I don't think I would've survived this past week without it. I... I need to feel that connection with you."

Ryan squeezed her arm tighter around McKenzie's hip for a moment before relaxing again.

"Me, too."

They were quiet again, and then McKenzie felt Ryan's hold on her loosen as the woman's breathing slowed. McKenzie smiled down at her, playing with her hair for a little while longer before finally looking up to try to find something else to occupy herself with.

Luckily, she was sitting on the side she'd left her laptop. She turned it on and logged into Ryan's wireless network. She pulled up Club Carnal's website, which was already open from a previous session, and went to the theme rooms section.

As McKenzie scanned down the list, her eyes widened. There were dozens of themes to choose from. She selected the 'County Jail' room and a new page loaded with pictures and a description of the features.

The room held a refurbished locking cell salvaged from a real prison and could be furnished with either a cot or a bunk bed. Up to three pieces of additional equipment could be requested at no extra charge, including a large selection of restraints and several different kinds of torture racks. The member also had their choice of inmate uniforms sourced from an actual prison supply company as well as various police or prison guard uniforms. The accessories for those were extra, but you also got to keep them.

McKenzie went back to the list and chose the 'Medieval Castle' room next. She went through the pictures, her mouth dropping open at the level of detail that had gone into the room's interior design.

Roughhewn stone covered the walls while antique oriental rugs lined the hardwood floor. The room was lit by a wrought iron chandelier hanging high above the center of the room with matching sconces set every few feet along the walls. A fireplace big enough for McKenzie to walk into was set in the wall opposite the intricately carved canopy bed, heavy brocade curtains draping from each of the four columns.

And I thought my bed was huge.

Several zoomed in shots showed how manacles could be added to the bed, ceiling, or wall at no extra charge. Even the bathroom was gorgeous with a sunken jetted tub and large walk-in rain shower surrounded by more stone and carved wood.

McKenzie closed the slideshow and then paused as she finally noticed the price listed in the upper right corner.

Is that... per night? Holy shit.

That was more than some of the luxury hotels she'd stayed in while on various summer vacations with her family in Europe. Then again, as McKenzie read down the list of concierge services, including room service delivered by a waiter in appropriate costume to match the theme room, she realized the cost was well worth it.

McKenzie glanced at the reservations calendar. The price obviously wasn't a deterrent for some people, since the room had at least several bookings showing for each week for the next six months. She backed out of the page, deciding not to look at any more of the rooms. It was just a reminder that she still had over five months to go before Ryan would take her. However, it was definitely something to keep in mind for her birthday.

McKenzie returned to the Sex Ed 101 section she'd been steadily making her way through and scanned down the list of articles. She paused when she came to the one for blowjobs. A combination of fear and arousal swirled in her stomach and she looked away from the screen as she rested her head back against the pillows.

She'd only come out a year ago, though when she thought about it, she knew she'd had thoughts about girls as far back as she could remember. Nothing terribly blatant, but it'd been there nonetheless.

She still didn't know how she was going to tell her parents. She didn't think they'd actually have a bad reaction or anything. It was just that they never talked about those sorts of things. Her biology class in school had taken care of the birds and the bees talk, and her friends and the internet had filled in the rest.

McKenzie's gaze flicked to the screen again, landing on the word that seemed to be giving her a constant panic attack. Except... It wasn't fear of the act and she knew it. And that was what was causing the problem.

I'm a lesbian... But if that turns me on... What does that even mean? Am I bi? Am I not really gay?

McKenzie looked down at Ryan's sleeping form and ran her fingers through the woman's soft hair.

Ryan had said it was okay. But it didn't feel okay. Once McKenzie had realized she was attracted to women, she'd readily accepted the identity of lesbian, which she'd thought meant rejecting everything male.

But then Ryan had shown her that penetration was definitely still on the menu. McKenzie knew she wanted Ryan's fingers inside her and it wasn't that big of a leap to imagine Ryan using a strap-on on her, those powerful hips thrusting into her hard and deep...

"God..." McKenzie whispered as her lower belly clenched in need.

Yeah, clearly no problem there.

But as soon as she considered taking that same cock into her mouth, maybe even cleaning her own come off of it the way the presenter had mentioned at one point...

Another wave of arousal had her flexing her vaginal muscles even as panic flooded her at the very idea she could be aroused by that particular act.

I don't want to think about this anymore.

McKenzie scrolled further down the page. She selected an article on sensation play and started reading.

Several hours and several articles later, McKenzie looked down as Ryan groaned and shifted away to roll onto her back.

"Hey... How are you feeling?" McKenzie asked.

"Gotta pee," Ryan said tiredly and then climbed off the bed and padded into the bathroom.

She came out a few minutes later and slid back onto the bed. She stopped just before resting her head on McKenzie's thigh again and glanced at the clock. It was after nine.

"Do you need to leave?" Ryan asked.

"Not if you don't want me to," McKenzie replied.

Ryan nodded and reclaimed her place wrapped around the girl.

"Good," Ryan whispered. "Don't wanna let you go."

McKenzie's chest filled with warmth and she squeezed Ryan's shoulder in response. As Ryan lay there, McKenzie absently let her fingers run through Ryan's hair and went back to reading.

It was a little while before McKenzie noticed Ryan's breathing, though deep and even, hadn't slowed. She turned her head to silently watch the woman. Ryan's hand at her hip was tense and gave the barest hint of a twitch every few moments.

"You okay?" McKenzie finally spoke.

Ryan stilled, her breath stopping completely, only to start again, sounding ragged.

"I can smell your arousal through your jeans."

McKenzie's eyes widened as she realized Ryan's face was only an inch or so from her crotch. Ryan continued.

"I keep thinking about how easy it would be to just move my hand over and slide your zipper down. I could have my mouth on your clit in just a matter of seconds." Ryan inhaled deeply. "God, you smell amazing."

McKenzie's breathing was coming in short bursts and her hand gripped Ryan's shoulder.

"Would... Would you be able to stop there?"

Ryan lifted her head and looked up at McKenzie with glassy eyes.

"No... But then I don't think you want me to anyway." Ryan slowly rose onto her arms, bracing herself half over McKenzie's body. "I want to taste you, McKenzie."

McKenzie heard the command in Ryan's tone and barely had time to dart off the bed before Ryan could trap her beneath her larger body.

"Whoa!" McKenzie said, holding her hands out in front of her as Ryan stared at her from the bed.

"You really shouldn't run. It just makes me want to chase you," Ryan said, her gaze narrowed.

McKenzie felt the hair at the nape of her neck stand on end as tingles skittered up and down her spine.

And I so want to let you catch me, too.

"Wait... Just wait..." McKenzie gasped out. Shit, she's totally high.

McKenzie had gotten a good look at Ryan's eyes a moment ago. The woman's pupils were two tiny black dots in the center of her blue irises. Even from this distance, McKenzie could see the partially glazed, though determined look in her eyes.

Damn it. Why couldn't you be sober?

"You... You're drugged, Ryan. You're not thinking clearly."

Ryan blinked, looking down in confusion for a moment. When she looked up again, McKenzie saw realization dawn in the woman's eyes, followed immediately by fear.

"Oh fuck... Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shit," Ryan said as she quickly pushed herself to the far side of the bed and took several deep breaths.

McKenzie watched as Ryan drew her knees up and hugged them to her chest.

"It's okay," McKenzie offered, her heart still pounding.

"No, it's not. I... I almost..." Ryan looked up at McKenzie, pain filling her eyes. She groaned, her head dropping to her knees. "Fuck, this isn't fair," she muttered.

McKenzie stayed where she was, unsure whether she should attempt to sit on the bed again.

"What isn't fair?"

Ryan raised her head, but she just stared at the bed.

"I get more... Everything gets more intense when I'm on my period. My orgasms always feel so much deeper... And I'm so fucking turned on right now..." Ryan groaned again as she let her head fall back against the pillows. "I'm sorry. The drugs... I told you they make me stupid. It's like there's no filter. I just spout whatever's in my head. Usually, I'm by myself when I'm like this. I didn't realize that lack of filter included my actions, but I guess I should have." Ryan finally looked up at McKenzie. "I'm so sorry. I don't mean to keep scaring you."

McKenzie tentatively climbed back onto the bed. She slowly crossed the distance to Ryan, giving the woman ample time to protest or tell her to stop. She settled herself next to Ryan and then wrapped an arm around the woman's shoulders, gently pulling her to turn and rest her head on McKenzie's shoulder.

"I won't lie and say that didn't scare me," McKenzie began quietly, feeling Ryan tense against her. "But it wasn't what you were doing. It was that I knew you weren't in control and I... I don't want us doing something and then you regret it. Once we... cross that line... It will kill me if you pull back from me," McKenzie whispered. "And if you want unfiltered... All I can think right now is how much I won't be able to handle it if you say we have to stop touching because of this."

Ryan lifted her head to look into McKenzie's eyes, surprised the girl seemed to be able to read her mind.

McKenzie saw the guilty expression and shook her head.

"No. Don't... I swear to God, Ryan, I will provoke a response from you if you do that to me. You can't take this away from me. Not now. Please."

McKenzie's throat choked up as tears filled her eyes and her arm tightened around Ryan's shoulders. When Ryan didn't budge, McKenzie simply used both arms to pull herself onto Ryan's lap.

Ryan's arms reflexively came up to cradle McKenzie's body against her own as the girl buried her face in Ryan's neck.

"I'm a danger to you, McKenzie," Ryan whispered into the girl's hair.

McKenzie shook her head.

"No, you're not. You snapped out of it. You're fine."

"But I'm going to need to take another dose soon. What if I don't 'snap out of it' next time?"

"Then I guess I'll just have to deal with you ravishing me."

Ryan couldn't help smirking for a moment, but then she sobered again.

"If... If something happens..."

"It won't."

"McKenzie..."

"It won't."

"McKenzie, listen to me." The girl remained silent, so Ryan continued. "If I come on to you again, I need you to say 'red.' It's a safe word and I've never ignored it."

McKenzie stilled. She'd read about safe words. They were a way to slow things down or stop a scene without breaking it completely, or when the usual protests were intended to be part of the scene... such as for rape fantasies.

McKenzie slowly pulled her head back from Ryan's shoulder.

"You've never talked about safe words before."

"With us not touching during scenes, I didn't think it was necessary. But I also haven't been this scared I was going to... " Ryan swallowed and shook her head. "I just need you to promise me you'll use it if I get out of hand again. Promise me."

McKenzie nodded solemnly.

"I promise."

McKenzie lowered her head again. She listened to Ryan's heartbeat, the slow steady rhythm calming her, though she couldn't help tensing her arms around the woman's neck every so often as if reminding herself that Ryan was really holding her, that she hadn't been sent away for her own protection.

McKenzie had known that would be Ryan's reaction. She knew enough about psychology to know Ryan would rather cut them off than risk McKenzie's safety. But there was no way McKenzie could go back to being hands off. The very thought made her guts churn and she tightened her hold around Ryan again.

Ryan squeezed her back and McKenzie relaxed again.

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered.

"Please, stop apologizing. You didn't hurt me. I'm okay... Unless you're apologizing for thinking about making me leave. Then you can say you're sorry all you want."

Ryan laughed softly.

"I'm sorry for that, too." Ryan sighed. "You know, you're getting really good at reading me."

"I just know how you think. You... You think the most important thing is for me to be safe, but it's not. It's being with you." McKenzie sat up to look into Ryan's eyes. "If I wanted safe, I would've stayed at home... in California," McKenzie clarified.

Ryan's heart clenched at the idea of having never met McKenzie as the girl continued.

"I didn't have to move across the country to go to college, but I wanted to. I wanted to push myself and get out on my own and... and figure shit out for myself and not always rely on my parents to fix everything. I mean I know they're there if I need them, but I'm very capable of making decisions for myself."

Ryan looked away.

"I know you are," Ryan mumbled.

"Do you?" McKenzie asked pointedly and Ryan looked back up at her in surprise. "You know, I looked up power exchange. And everything I read said it's not just about you taking control, it's about me giving it up to you... Which means I have to have the power to give to you in the first place... Which means it's my choice."

McKenzie slid her hand around to cup Ryan's cheek.

"So even though I love it when you take control... God, I crave it like you wouldn't believe... I refuse to let you decide whether I'm capable of consent. It's my choice. And I choose to be with you, even when it's a little scary or maybe not the safest choice, because I love you and I think you're worth the risk."

"I love you, too," Ryan said as she rubbed her cheek into McKenzie's hand, enjoying the sensation of the girl's soft skin against her own. She caught herself just before she turned to kiss McKenzie's palm and sat up a little straighter.

"And it's not that I don't think you can give your consent. It's that I... I can't be sure you understand what you're consenting to." Ryan looked at her imploringly. "It's not just consent, McKenzie. It's informed consent. It's knowing what all the risks really are, not just what you hope or imagine them to be."

"You think I don't understand what the risk is right this second?" McKenzie asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she stared into Ryan's eyes, the constricted pupils mere pinpoints. "You're high on prescription pain meds, which has seriously lowered your inhibitions. You're way stronger than me and you know how to restrain people and you have the equipment to do it. You have a strap-on in there the size of my arm and I've never had more than my own two fingers inside me... Believe me, I am very aware of the risk I'm taking."

Ryan just stared at her and McKenzie could see tears welling up in the woman's eyes.

"Why are you still here?" Ryan whispered raggedly.

McKenzie sighed as she rested her head back down on Ryan's shoulder and hugged her arms around the woman's neck.

"I told you. I love you. And I... I can't leave you, not when you're like this. Just like you couldn't leave me. That goes both ways."

Ryan squeezed McKenzie tight for a full minute, never relaxing her hold as she accepted the gift McKenzie was giving her. Unconditional love. It might be crazy for McKenzie to stay and for Ryan to let her, but Ryan found she was incapable of pushing the girl away.

"Maybe I can switch to the over-the-counter stuff," Ryan muttered.

"If it'll work, sure, but not if you're gonna be in agony." McKenzie sat up again to look at Ryan. "I saw you when I got here. You couldn't even stand up straight."

Ryan grimaced, already feeling the sharp cramping trying to dig across her lower abdomen.

McKenzie saw the look and shifted off Ryan's lap to stand up.

"All right, that's it. What do you want to eat so you can take your meds?"

Ryan hugged her arms around her stomach, no longer trying to hide the pain.

"I've got some cereal in the pantry. That should be enough and it's quick."

McKenzie nodded and headed into the house again. She could hear the TV in the living room, but no one came into the kitchen, so she just made a couple bowls of cereal and brought them back.

Ryan ate slowly, the cramping making her nauseous, but she kept swallowing each spoonful until she was almost done. McKenzie had already finished and held out a pill. Ryan took it, staring at it for several long moments before popping it into her mouth and chugging the rest of her bottle of water. She scooped up the last few bites of her cereal to push the pill all the way down, and then handed the empty bowl to McKenzie.

McKenzie took the bowls back to the kitchen, washing them by hand and setting them in the dish drain, since the dishwasher was already running.

Ryan was taking her hot pack out of the microwave when McKenzie came back. Ryan settled it beneath her waistband, sighing as the warmth instantly soothed her tense muscles. When she looked up, she knew the pain must have been plain on her face because McKenzie moved forward, wrapping her arms around Ryan in a gentle hug.

"It's gonna be okay, honey."

Ryan just nodded, squeezing McKenzie once before pulling away to lie down again. She slid under the covers, groaning softly as she rolled onto her side.

McKenzie hit the lights and then followed her, deciding to crawl under the blanket as well, since they were both fully clothed. She spooned the woman from behind and slipped her arm around Ryan's stomach. She kept her hand on top of Ryan's shirt this time, smoothing slow circles over the cloth-covered skin.

"You staying over?" Ryan asked over her shoulder, trying to keep the hope out of her voice.

"Yes," McKenzie said without hesitation.

McKenzie felt Ryan relax as the woman pushed back against her embrace a little more. She kissed Ryan's shoulder blade through her T-shirt and nestled her head between the pillow and Ryan's back.

"Try to get some sleep, my love," McKenzie whispered.

It took a moment for Ryan to realize McKenzie hadn't said 'my Lord,' and then she smiled as warmth spread through her chest at the gentle term of endearment.

"You, too."

"Race ya," McKenzie said sleepily.

Ryan grinned wider at the playful response and closed her eyes as she rested her hand over McKenzie's. She felt so safe and so loved from just the simple weight of the girl's body pressed against her back and the firm arm wrapped around her waist.

Ryan drifted off, a gentle smile curving her lips despite the pain.