1999: Year in Review

(Written by Kodi Wolf sometime in 2013)

As I mention on the About page, I've been writing for most of my life. However, I didn't focus specifically on lesbian romance/science fiction until I came in contact with the show Xena: Warrior Princess, and more importantly, Xena AltFic (alternative/lesbian fiction).

According to my journal entries, I had "become addicted [to] reading fanfic stories about the Xena universe" by July 17, 1999. Shortly after that, I suffered a broken heart, but found solace in Xena fanfic: "I've just been reading fanfic. I think I need it though. Gives me hope, a sense of peace, and reassurance that love exists and is real."

I know, sort of silly saying that fiction reassured me of reality, but it was how I felt at the time. Honestly, I still do. I can't remember who said it, but I read a quote somewhere about how writers use lies to tell the truth, and I couldn't agree more. The entire point of fiction, in my opinion, is to make the reader feel a real emotion, but it's done by telling a story about people who don't exist participating in events that never happened.

At any rate, that heartbreak seemed to open a floodgate of emotions for me and I felt the need to "express myself... [This is] going to force me to write and that's what I really want to do. I want to share all these things I've learned and figured out. I just hope I can do it right."

By October 30, I was writing on a regular basis on both Xena/Gabrielle and Xena uber stories, as well as returning to original stories I'd abandoned years before.

Assassin, Lights of Life, and New Gaia were all started during this time (as well as most of the rest of my stories, but that was after the new year).

Moral of the Story

I believe everything happens for a reason, but that we're the ones who decide what that reason will be (or else choose to believe something is meaningless).

While I was certainly in a lot of pain at the time, I have to say I'm glad things worked out the way they did. If my feelings had been returned, I probably would've been too caught up to start working on my stories when I did (and my soulmate was waiting to read my stories online so she could find me; I would've hated to make her wait any longer than she did :) ).