2004: Year in Review

(Written by Kodi Wolf sometime in 2013)

I posted 3 chapters for 2004.

Better than the previous year, but nowhere near where I wanted to be.

In the beginning of the year, I decided to try messing with my brain chemistry in the hopes of calming down my anxiety attacks, and while it certainly let me catch up on my sleep, it wasn't too great for the muse (at least not until after I'd gotten off the meds; then the floodgates opened and I could hardly keep up).

I was also still working on the handfasting, which took place on August 21st at my sister's home in Vermont.

There were more life crises, too, including me needing surgery (I was sick with my gall bladder for months and collapsed the day after my handfasting, though I didn't have surgery to remove my gall bladder until two months later).

But mostly it was a case of working on revisions and unposted stories, just like the previous year. For example, I expanded the outline for The Trine to nearly 500 pages from only about 150 in 2002. That's 350 pages of story material, but because it wasn't posted, I had nothing to show for it, therefore it "didn't count." Unfortunately, regardless of whether anyone else felt that way, that's how I made myself feel.

Moral of the Story

You control your perceptions, which controls how you feel, so ultimately, you alone control how you feel.

I know it's not quite that simple, but I've found the less I care about what other people think of me and focus instead on reminding myself that I'm good enough as is, not when I post a chapter, I actually want to work on my stories more. Too bad I couldn't have learned that lesson sooner, but as my wife is fond of saying, "It takes the time it takes." At least I'm there now (or at least more aware that that's where I want to be).