2006: Year in Review
(Written by Kodi Wolf sometime in 2013)
No chapters posted again, but that had a lot to do with having my work plagiarized at the beginning of the year, which spurred me to create this paid membership site in order to protect my work under the law. That's because if you're not getting paid, you can't claim a loss. There's literally nothing to sue for, regardless of the fact that someone else is using your work without your permission. The best you can hope for is to get the work removed from whatever site it's on illegally, but you have to pay for the expense of making that happen (such as hiring a lawyer or sending registered mail).
Of course, creating the new site didn't happen that quickly. Once I made the decision, I had to do some research to figure out how to make the site a membership site. I settled on using a CMS (Content Management System), but then I had to figure out how it worked (I had chosen Mambo and it was quite the learning curve). I think maybe if I'd been able to focus only on creating the membership site, it might not have taken as long as it did, but it was still a huge job. There was all the content I had to create and code, and I think I remember counting something like 200 files that I had to transfer from the old site and recode for use with Mambo on the new one (chapters, archives, etc.), not to mention all the time it took to design the site itself, create graphics, and edit scripts so they did what I wanted them to and fit into the site's design theme.
As it was, I could only work with the code for so long before I'd start to go a little crazy, especially when it wouldn't work the way it was supposed to, which happened far too often and was beyond aggravating (my wife could probably tell you horror stories; there were times when Mambo brought me to tears).
Another problem was that whenever I started working on a particular story's pages, I would get pulled into actually working on the story, so the site wouldn't get done. Then I'd feel like I needed to get the site done so I could move on (and stop working on the damn thing), so I would force myself not to work on my stories, which of course led to me feeling guilty about not writing. This year and those that followed (at least until the site opened) were some of the most frustrating times of my life because it felt like I couldn't win no matter what I did. I had two goals (writing and finishing the site) and neither were getting accomplished.
I was also still in the middle of renovations. We'd finished the bedroom the previous year and had moved on to the bathroom.
So, all in all, not a great year for getting new chapters finished, but I was actually working on my stories quite often. There are only a few months where I went more than a week or so without working on something and most months show at least one week where I was writing for four or more days in a row. But I was still stuck in revision hell and I was more focused on The Trine and The Kindari Saga, both of which are unposted, so again I didn't have anything to show for my efforts. However, even if I had, I wouldn't have posted anything, since I was waiting for the site to be finished before uploading any new content.
Moral of the Story
You can't serve two masters, or at least you can't serve them well.
I have this thing about "supposed to's" (or "not supposed to's"). I'm supposed to write. I'm not supposed to waste time on frivolous endeavors (like playing computer games or watching TV). I'm supposed to exercise. I'm not supposed to have problems sleeping. I'm supposed to eat right. I'm not supposed to indulge in sweets. I'm supposed to keep the house clean. I'm not supposed to/I'm supposed to [fill in the blank]. If I don't do what I'm supposed to (or do what I'm not supposed to), I feel guilty. Now, guilt can be a good motivator, particularly when it stops you from doing crap that will hurt you or cause pain to someone else. But when several of my "supposed to's" conflict, I end up getting paralyzed and unable to get any of my supposed to's done. This was one of those times.
I think part of the problem was that writing got lumped into the frivolous category because getting the house done was paramount (if you've ever lived through renovations, you know what I'm talking about), then getting the site done came next because until I did, I wouldn't be able to post new chapters (not that I had anything to post). But there was also keeping the house clean (doing laundry, doing dishes, etc.) and somewhere in there I was also supposed to be spending time with my wife. And even though I put them in the frivolous category, relaxing by playing a game or watching TV is important. So writing, or rather focusing on writing, was placed pretty low on my list of priorities. It became a "should do," which is what my head tells me, rather than a "must do," which is what my heart and soul tell me (to misquote and paraphrase Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5, "My heart and I aren't always on speaking terms."). But I'm learning.
