W.O.L.F. Sector is Now Open for Business

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 12:11 AM

Wow. I can't believe it, but W.O.L.F. Sector is finally ready to begin accepting members.

To join, click on the Become a Member link at the top of any page. There's also detailed, step-by-step instructions on the Help/FAQ page if you have any questions.

Unfortunately, opening the site doesn't mean I actually have any new chapters for you to read yet (but they're coming in the next few months, so please read on). Between one family or health crisis after another and working on creating this site, which involved quite a steep learning curve on my part, as well as working on the stories in the Uncharted section, I only have a few chapters for my posted stories ready to be sent to BetaWolf.

The other problem is that it took me longer than I thought it would to get BetaWolf off the ground. I foolishly expected to keep most, if not all, of my BetaWolves and be able to have groups of them working on different stories at the same time. Instead, after such a long hiatus, half of them I couldn't even contact because their e-mails were no longer valid, and most of the rest never responded to my inquiries.

So, I've gone from 43 beta-readers down to just 4. Luckily, they all want to work on everything, but that also means I'm unwilling to split them up between the different stories because it would mean I'd only get one critique per story instead of four. Plus, since most of my BetaWolves are new, I've also asked them for critiques of all the posted chapters to sort of bring them up to speed and also because my early chapters could do with a good once-over. So, it's going to take longer than if they just worked on the new chapters I have ready.

Hence, my new mantra has become, "It's gonna take the time it takes," and I'm okay with that because I'd rather get in-depth critiques than rushed and skimpy ones. I want my stories to be the best they can be. Honestly, I'm just happy to be working on my stories again and meeting my daily goals of getting scenes written or revised. For a writer, that's the best feeling in the world. :)

Anyway, what all this means is that instead of having at least one new chapter posted to the site for the Grand Re-Opening the way I wanted, I can only say I have chapters going through BetaWolf as you read this.

So, here's a breakdown of where I'm at with each story:

Lights of Life — Chapters 13 and 14 have been sent to BetaWolf.

Prisoner of War — Chapter 5 is done, but I'm waiting for BetaWolf to finish with Lights before switching them to POW.

A Bondage Primer — I'm halfway done with Day 11 and I'm hoping I'll have it finished by the time BetaWolf is done with POW.

New Gaia — I have the beginning of the next chapter, but since it's outlined to be quite long, I don't know if I'll have it done by the time BetaWolf is finished with Bondage.

The Vampire Hunter — I'm trapped in rewriting hell and have come up with so many different ways to rewrite the beginning of the story that I've completely confused myself as to which one is best. But once I get that sorted out, the rest of the rewrites should flow a lot easier, and then I'll finally be able to move on to new chapters.

The Trine — Chapter 1 (30 pages) is pretty much finalized, Chapter 2 is almost finished (I just need to figure out one little scene in the middle), Chapter 3 is basically done (just needs some final edits), the next dozen or so chapters just need revisions, and then I only have another dozen or so chapters to write from scratch.

Out of Darkness (the sci-fi rewrite of Assassin) — Chapters 1-3 are finished and Chapter 4 just needs a final scene to be complete.

The Enchanted Queendom — Still mostly in outline form with just a few scenes written here and there.

The Kindari Saga — Same as above (okay, so technically I completed one entire novel for Kindari, but since I decided to scrap half of what's in it and start the story a couple generations earlier, I can't count it :) ).

Anyway, I'm hoping to have the final edits done for those two chapters of Lights within the next few months, though I won't wait to post Chapter 13 if 14 isn't ready, so they may not get posted at the same time.

I'm really excited to finally have the site done. For the past two weeks, I've been almost exclusively focused on writing (just a few tweaks to the site here and there and getting BetaWolf sorted out), which has been unbelievably amazing. With the past year of troubleshooting hell regarding the site, it feels like it's been forever since I've been able to just sit down and work on a story, rather than only jotting down notes or snippets of scenes now and then.

And I know I've said this before at different times when I was taking breaks from working on the site, but this time, now that the site is done, I don't have that feeling like something's hanging over my head, which can really interrupt the creative flow. I mean I know I'll still have to deal with e-mails and troubleshooting when something doesn't work the way it's supposed to, but that's very different from knowing I still have a bunch of pages to work on for the site because it still isn't finished. From this point on, I don't have to think about the site except when I'm using it or someone has a question, so I can just write now.

So, I'm going to get back to it. :)

P.S. In honor of the site's Grand Re-Opening and 12-year anniversary, I'm offering a 12% discount for the month of February good towards any Story or Site Membership. Click on the coupon link at the top of any page to get the code and take 12% off your order.

P.P.S. If you're on the 'kodiwolf' or 'KWLF_subscription_pledge' mailing lists, you should've already received an e-mail announcement regarding the opening of W.O.L.F. Sector. Please make sure to check your e-mail and read the announcement(s) before placing your order.

A Stressful First Month

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 4:29 PM

Well, this has been one crazy month.

First, I opened the site and was inundated with e-mails, which totally set off my social phobia, so I've basically been in a constant state of panic the whole time.

Then I injured my neck again, so I've been limited to how long I can be on the computer, but because of all the e-mails I've had to respond to, either from people asking about the site or congratulating me on finally opening or my BetaWolves needing help, I've spent most of that precious time writing e-mails instead of working on my stories, which has been really frustrating. To compensate, I've been doing research (watching documentaries or reading books and taking notes) while resting my neck and using ice packs, which has actually produced some really good story ideas for me and helped me solve several problems I was having with a couple stories, so that's been cool. But I'd still rather be writing.

To top it all off, my wife recently had enough of all the homophobic crap from her family and attempted to cut ties, only to receive harassing phone calls from her brothers and an upsetting letter from her mother, plus we keep running into family members at our chiropractor's office, so that's been seriously stressful.

On the bright side, my neck does seem to be getting better and I met my break-even point for the year regarding the costs of running the site, so I don't really have to worry about raising more funds until next year.

My thanks go out to everyone who paid for a Story or Site Membership (and extra special thanks to those who chose to forgo the coupons and pay full price). Your support is much appreciated and while I'm not technically getting paid for my writing yet (at this point, I'm just trying to cover costs and recoup past debt), every little bit helps and brings me that much closer to making that dream a reality.

I'm truly grateful and I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present (I turned 36 on the 11th). So thank you.

PS Happy Leap Day! :)

Avoidance Behavior Can Be Useful

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 12:36 PM

My computer has been having issues, so I finally broke down and got a new one. I was hesitant (I hate disruptions to my routine, especially when it comes to something I use every day for just about everything), but my wife reminded me my last computer was 4 years old (ancient by technology standards) and could completely crap out on me at any time, so I agreed.

Most of the issues I was having with the old computer have been solved by the new one (after a couple weeks of troubleshooting non-related issues), so overall it's been a good change. Unfortunately, there's still a ton of stuff on the old computer that needs to be transferred and set up on the new one. And as always, when I'm faced with stuff that freaks me out, I do my best to avoid it until I can't, so it's been slow-going.

Anyway, I've at least gotten my essential programs, like Word and my Web site software, set up on the new computer, as well as my story files transferred, so that's allowed me to really indulge my avoidance behavior regarding having to deal with installing and troubleshooting programs on the new computer. Instead of getting that stuff set up, I've been working on organizing my story notes, which desperately need it.

For one of my stories, The Kindari Saga, I literally had a file called "Notes_to be sorted," which I finally emptied a few days ago by creating about a dozen new files for each character or subject the notes were about.

Of course, there's still another file simply called "Notes" that I've realized needs to be broken down into more individual files, so I'll actually have a shot at finding the info I need when I go looking for it (there's nothing more derailing to the muse than to spend half an hour looking for something you know you wrote down several months ago about what you're currently working on, but not be able to figure out which file you stashed it in). Then there's the file called "SeriesBits" that contains scenes and dialogue and plot ideas for the whole series of books, which are completely out of order and need to be grouped by time and/or character.

And of course, I need to do the same for the rest of my stories.

I'm also trying to get all the handwritten notes I made while my computers were out of commission for those two weeks of troubleshooting into the new computer where I'll be able to find and use them. Right now, they're scattered across several notebooks, which isn't very helpful. The other day, I was flipping through one of them and came across some stuff I'd completely forgotten about, so I definitely need to get this stuff catalogued.

It's also been exciting to go back over some of my older notes and pair them up with my newer ideas and see things really come together. When my notes were all over the place, it was difficult to see the connections. It's also easy to forget how far I've already progressed with a story when I just see a few files ambiguously labeled as "Notes" versus seeing over 40 files with character names and concepts and universe details.

It's sort of like how I put a jigsaw puzzle together. The first thing I do is pour out all the pieces on the table. Then, as I go through and flip each piece right-side-up, I set aside the border pieces. I also start to try to group the pieces by color. For a mountain scene, I separate the blue sky pieces from the white cloudy pieces, and the brown mountain pieces from the tan ground pieces, and the green tree pieces from the multi-colored flower pieces. Once all the pieces have been flipped upright, I put the border together to create the frame, and then I start on a particular group of pieces and see what I can put together. If I run into a dead end, I switch to another group. Eventually, I have sections of the puzzle that are large enough to start placing inside the frame, possibly even connecting them to the border or each other. It's only at the end, usually with monochromatic pieces like blue sky or water, that I have to break down and start trying to match the shape of the puzzle piece to another one.

Well, with organizing my notes, it's the same thing. Instead of being faced with a pile of what looks like unrelated bits, I'm building my frame, separating the pieces into like piles, and starting to see where the connections are between larger and larger sections. The more pieces I can fit together, the clearer the picture gets, and the easier it is to write the story.

So that's what I'm working on today. Wish me luck. :)

The Dangers of Using Two Computers at Once

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 5:31 PM

I'm still in the process of transferring stuff from the old computer to the new one, which means I'm going back and forth between them to work on different things depending on which program I need at the time.

Well, let me just say that's been a little dangerous for my sanity. Here's why.

I have both computers hooked up to the same monitor, so all I have to do to switch between them is change the input on the monitor (I leave both computers on all the time). I then have two keyboards in front of me along with two mice, and I've found it's quite easy to forget which keyboard I need to be using in order to type into the correct machine.

So the other day, while I was in the middle of trying to work with some of my story files, I accidentally started typing on the wrong keyboard, but before I realized that, I had noticed I'd made a typo and automatically hit delete and then space to correct the typo and continue typing. Only then did I look up and finally realize I wasn't on the right keyboard, but I didn't really think anything of it.

Well, then I did it again. Again, I didn't think about it, but when I eventually switched back to the new computer, I found my entire Stories folder, the one with every single one of my stories in it (both posted and unposted), had been almost completely deleted. The only thing that hadn't been deleted was the Lights of Life folder because I had several files in that folder open, which prevented the computer from finalizing the delete command.

I nearly had a heart attack.

As far as I can tell, when I hit the delete key, since my Stories folder (or one of the story folders in that folder) was selected, it probably popped up with an alert asking if I was sure I wanted to delete that folder, and then when I hit the space bar, that must have selected OK, and so it deleted everything it could. When I did it again, it must have defaulted to the parent folder (Stories) and done it all over again, wiping out all the story folders inside it, except for Lights.

To say the least, I panicked. I immediately went to the Recycle Bin to restore the deleted files, but for whatever reason, it didn't work completely, so back to panicking. I hadn't manually backed up my files in over a week, which meant all my latest work wouldn't be there, but I knew I had a daily automated backup, so I hoped and prayed it would have everything.

Well, it didn't. But it did have almost everything and it had the most important stuff, the actual story files, so all I ended up losing was a couple of my most recent note files. Unfortunately, I had just entered the text from my handwritten notes and was in a particularly efficient mood, so I'd already shredded the handwritten version, meaning there was no going back (my shredder is the kind that makes virtual confetti and I'd shredded a lot of different items, so there was no way I was going to try to recreate them by finding the bits and piecing them back together).

Anyway, lesson learned and now I have a new system. Since I'm on the new computer the most, that keyboard is always in front of me and the old keyboard is pushed behind it, but when I need to use the old computer, I move the new keyboard to the side, so I won't accidentally start typing on it while I'm on the old computer. I'm also trying to get better about doing manual backups whenever I edit any of my story files, so even if something like this happens again, I'll be covered.

I hope I never have to face the prospect of losing all my hard work with just a couple of accidental keystrokes again. It was terrifying.

Offline Payment Option Discontinued

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 4:21 PM

Due to lack of use, I'm discontinuing the Offline Payment option, so I will only be accepting payments through PayPal now.

If I get enough requests, I might reinstate it, but right now I can't justify the expense of the P.O. Box, especially since SSI has decided to reduce my check because I've made money from this site.

So, I'm trimming wherever I can and that means the P.O. Box has to go.

I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.

Write What You Know vs. Research

Monday, June 25, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 8:50 AM

The old adage "write what you know" is sound advice. When you write about the things you know, all the information you need is conveniently stored in your memory. At worst, you might need to browse through an old photo album or journal for those details that are a little fuzzy, but the experiences and feelings that will help you convey a sense of reality will all be there at your fingertips. You won't need to consult a book and then look for another book to explain what you just read.

On the other hand, if everyone only wrote what they knew, there would be no such categories as science fiction and fantasy, and if you wanted to have any kind of variety of topics or locations in your stories, you would have to go live in those places, go to school and get multiple degrees, or hold a ton of different jobs.

A 50-50 approach works a little better. Basically, write as much as you can from personal experience, and then supplement that with the things you have to research. The trick is to do just enough research so you sound like you know what you're talking about without going off on tangents and wasting time reading about things you don't need to know.

This is where I have problems sometimes. Part of the problem is that I have to be well-read and exposed to a lot of different information to spark new ideas (they don't form in a vacuum). I also love learning new things in general, so it's easy for me to get caught up in reading about a particular subject, long past the point where I'm gaining any data useful for the story I'm working on. The other part of the problem is that sometimes it's hard to know how much I need to know about a subject before I can write authoritatively on it. Sometimes I'm not even sure what the right questions are to ask, so I research in many different areas before drilling down to the right info.

That's what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks (while I take drugs to try to pass another kidney stone; the drugs sort of sap my creativity, but leave me lucid enough to do research). I have several stacks of books from the library and dozens of new links in my bookmarks regarding all the subjects I'm currently researching, which include pregnancy (for New Gaia, The Trine, and The Kindari Saga), farming and how to use and care for various farm animals (for Lights of Life), and genetics (for The Trine and when applicable, Prisoner of War). I've also been watching documentaries on WWII and the Nazis (for The Kindari Saga), which is something I can only take in small bites or I get too depressed about the human capacity for evil.

Since I'm also supposed to be giving my back a rest by not sitting at the computer for hours on end, I haven't typed up my notes yet either, so my Progress Reports pages look woefully neglected.

That's why I wanted to post something here, so you'll know I'm not on vacation or something (that's not for another couple months).

Well, back to work. :)

Breast Cancer Scare

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 3:22 PM

Shortly after my last post, my wife found a lump in her breast. In the past, she's been diagnosed with fibroids, so we weren't too worried, but we were both very anxious to get her checked out.

Well, she was due for her annual mammogram anyway, so she showed up at the mobile screening bus for her appointment and told them what she'd found. They immediately said they couldn't see her because what she needed was a diagnostic exam and they only did screenings. So she called her primary care physician and left a message on their answering service to let them know what the mobile techs had said about her needing a diagnostic exam. A week and a half later, she still hadn't heard back, so she called again and they finally got back to her. They made an appointment with the local Breast Center for the following week.

I went with her, along with one of her co-workers, for support and we sat out in the waiting room for an hour while Corene had mammograms done on both her breasts. The lump she had found was in her right breast, but after that first round of mammograms, the doctor became more concerned about what she saw in the left breast, so she ordered another mammogram for that breast. Then when that wasn't conclusive, she ordered an ultrasound for both breasts. With that done, Corene was told by the doctor that what Corene had found in her right breast appeared to just be some inflammation and was nothing to worry about. However, what the doctor had found in Corene's left breast concerned her, so she wanted to take a look at Corene's past mammograms for reference. The doctor said she would call in a few days once she'd seen the films from the clinic.

The following week, they called the home phone and left a message saying something along the lines of, "We need you to call us back so we can discuss your results," which scared the crap out of me. I immediately called Corene at work and told her to call them and then call me back and tell me what they'd found.

Corene called me back and said that the doctor wanted her to come back in for another mammogram, which would be performed by the doctor herself using a different technique. Corene went back in the following Wednesday, but the mammogram was still inconclusive. So the doctor scheduled Corene for a needle biopsy the next day because we were supposed to be leaving for vacation on Friday and neither of us wanted this hanging over our heads the whole time.

The needle biopsy was basically performed by having Corene lay face down on a table with a hole in it for her breast. A mammogram machine was clamped on to her breast and used to guide the needle to the proper place to take tissue samples after a small incision was made for the needle (they used local anesthesia, so Corene was awake the whole time, but never felt anything). An extremely small titanium barbell was placed at the site in case the biopsy was inconclusive. If that happened, the next step would be to call in a surgeon to take more tissue samples and the barbell would let the surgeon know where the previous samples had been taken.

The biopsy was supposed to take an hour and a half, but Corene started bleeding "excessively," so they kept her in the machine a little longer to continue to apply compression to help stop the flow of blood. It stopped, but when they had her try to move a little, it started right back up, so they kept her in even longer. Eventually, the bleeding stopped and they got her up and put an ice pack and compression bandage on her.

After two hours, they finally called me back to the room and let me know how it had all gone. Corene would need to keep the compression bandage on until bedtime (or at least until around 8 or 9pm) and she should do the mini ice packs every hour. And no aspirin or ibuprofen due to the bleeding issue. The doctor said we should call around 11am the next day to find out the results.

She said there were three possibilities. On one end, the results might be conclusive for cancer and we would make a plan for what the next steps would be to deal with that. On the other end, the results might be conclusively benign and that would be the end of it. But in the middle, the results might be inconclusive and then we'd need to schedule Corene for a more thorough surgical biopsy. No matter what, though, we would have a plan. I really liked how reassuring the doctor was. It helped.

I also made sure to remind Corene (and myself) that we were going on vacation to be with my family, so if it turned out she had cancer, we were going where we would get the most support. And if everything was fine, we'd have a great story to tell, since we hadn't let anyone know what was going on because we didn't have any results yet. Even if the results were inconclusive, we were at least one step closer to getting there.

Then it was just a waiting game as Corene and I basically tried not to think about what the results might be and instead tried to focus on the fact that we were supposed to be leaving on vacation in less than 24 hours and we were nowhere close to being ready.

The next morning, the phone rang at 9:15am. We were waiting for a call from our vet, since Felix has been having digestive issues, so we thought it was probably the vet, but it turned out to be the doctor's assistant. She asked how Corene was doing and Corene said she was okay. Then the assistant asked if we were packed yet and Corene said no, not yet. That's when the tech said, "Well why not? Because you have absolutely no reason to hang around here. Your results were completely benign." She went on to say it was conclusively new fibroid tissue, since it hadn't shown up on any previous scans. So everything was fine. She also said they were going to schedule Corene for a 6-month follow-up mammogram just to make sure they stayed on top of it.

Getting that news was a huge relief and we are both so grateful that it all turned out okay. We're also very impressed with how the people at the Breast Center worked with us and our timeline to get everything done before we needed to leave. Corene is so happy with how thorough they were that she's already decided to have all her future mammograms done with them instead of the mobile unit.

So, as you may have guessed, my mind hasn't really been on writing this past couple of months, hence the nearly complete lack of progress reports for July and August. But now that the danger seems to have passed, my brain has been getting more and more interested in writing again. I've found several new books that have really sparked my creativity, and I've also been enjoying talking about my stories with my sister, who's been helping me with some of the research I've been doing for Lights of Life (more on all that in my next post).

I hope everyone else is having a great summer, and I'll write more soon.

Going Back To School (Sort Of)

Friday, September 7, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 3:11 PM

As I wrote at the end of my last post, I've been doing a lot of research for Lights of Life, mostly because I never really did any when I first wrote it and it shows. Based on the comments I've received so far from my BetaWolves, my lack of research has caused numerous problems with the story's believability. Also, as a newbie writer way back then, I made numerous bad choices when it came to which scenes to show, so now I'm trying to fix all those problems, which has necessitated a complete overhaul of the story.

I also haven't been very happy with the amount of progress I've been making on my stories in general. It's been far too long since I updated with completely new content (as opposed to a revised chapter) and I feel really guilty about that. I hate letting my readers down. So, I've also been looking for ways to increase my speed of progress.

The main problem with the above two goals is that I'm kind of out here by myself, making this shit up as I go along. I've never taken a creative writing class, so I don't really know "the rules."

What I know about writing has come from four sources:

• reading copious amounts of fiction (seeing how other writers do it)

• writing and rewriting my stories (learning by doing it myself)

• comments for changes from readers and beta-readers (taking in opinions from mostly non-writers on which way they think is "right")

• reading "how-to" books and online articles about writing (learning what professionals in the writing industry say is the "right" way)

That's it.

Now, I don't think my writing is bad by any means. If I did, I wouldn't have the confidence to charge for my work. I know my stories are engaging and well written (not to be too cocky about it).

However, as you can see from the assessments I made above, there is definitely room for improvement. So, since all my beta-readers are indisposed for the next month or two, and have been for the past couple months as well (meaning I'm not receiving any feedback on anything), I'm using the time to focus on my stories in a way I never really have before, which involves structure.

When I first wrote my stories back in 2000, I was what's known as a 'pantster,' meaning I wrote by the seat of my pants (meaning I didn't really have a plan). I did outline a little now and then, but mostly I just wrote what I saw in my head as it came to me. That served me well back then, but as my stories became more complicated, I think they suffered for the lack of intention on my part. It's hard to foreshadow when you don't know what's going to happen next, and it's nearly impossible to give a scene the depth it could have if you don't know why the scene is important in the first place (if you know the 'why,' then you can make sure every detail helps prop up and reinforce that goal, rather than letting it get buried by other, less relevant, details). Also, when you're just waiting for the next scene to come to you, it's very easy to get writer's block because waiting for inspiration is not a proactive process.

Since my test project with all this is Lights of Life, I'll give you an example.

In the current posted version, I repeatedly have the main characters focused on food in the initial chapters. A lot of conversations take place around food, I describe what they're eating and how they cooked it, and the characters even comment on what they like or don't like about the food. At the time, I had a vague idea that Kaylee wouldn't know what stuff tasted like, since she's not from Earth and has also lost her memory, so I knew that aspect was important and needed to be in there, but according to my beta-readers (and my wife), the constant scenes revolving around food are too much. They bury the point in needless detail.

Now that I've been learning about structure and that every scene needs to have a concrete reason for being there (the focus or goal of the scene), I've realized that what I was subconsciously throwing darts at in the dark was the fact that not only does Kaylee not know what Earth food tastes like, she grew up on 'slave rations' among her own people, so she's never tasted good food. Now that I'm aware of that, I can make those scenes really mean something, rather than being repetitive. At least I hope so. :)

And of course, now that I realize what I was trying to say, I don't feel the need to keep trying to say it, so a lot of those food details can be cut, so that only a few remain to make the point, rather than half a dozen.

Throughout this learning process, I've read quite a few different articles regarding the 'pantsters vs. planners' debate. Apparently, there's a huge gap between the two camps, each of which believe their way is better. The main issue seems to be in regards to planning supposedly taking the creativity and spontaneity (in other words, fun) out of writing for pantsters. But I have to say, I've found it to be the complete opposite for me. I've felt more creative in the past few weeks than I think I have in years.

For anyone who isn't a writer, I'll try to explain what it's like to be one, at least for me.

Every time I get a new idea, whether it's a line of dialogue or a piece of backstory for a character or even a spark for a new story, there's an accompanying adrenaline rush. The same is true every time I'm writing story text and the words are flowing and my word count is rising. Or I finish a scene and read back over it and it feels right (I'll probably go back and edit it later, but in that moment, it's 'good enough'). Or I finish a series of scenes, culminating in an entire chapter being completed. Or, and this is a huge one that I've only experienced a few times, mostly with my short story fanfic, I actually finish the entire story.

However, those moments can be few and far between. Most of writing involves rewriting, editing, research, etc., at least if you want your writing to be better than average. The first words you write are almost never the right ones. They were just the ones that got you started, so you could get to the right ones. There is a certain amount of joy in getting to that final, polished stage, but there's a lot of toil in between.

On the other hand, if you're writing as a pantster, it might feel like you get more of those great moments because you're not doing much in the way of research or editing. You're not really thinking about how it all goes together, you're just enjoying the moment, the current scene, without feeling the need to see the larger context. As I said, that worked for me up until my stories got complicated.

But what I've found with learning about story structure is that instead of only getting those adrenaline rushes while writing, I'm also getting them before writing. Now that I know what it is I'm trying to say, I'm brainstorming how to dramatize those details instead of just throwing them into the narration. I'm actively trying to create dramatic moments and find the conflict and tension in my scenes, so that the reader will hopefully stay engaged with the story. I'm asking 'why' a lot more, which is sparking a lot of creative answers. And the more I delve into those aspects of my characters and the story, the more ideas I'm coming up with to connect all those pieces that I never saw when I was just waiting for the next scene to come to me.

By having a goal in mind, I can brainstorm all the various ways I can get that goal across to the reader, which gives me that same rush when I've hit on a good idea as when I simply write the scene that's playing in my head. In addition, by having a plan, I haven't really been getting stuck the way I used to when the film in my head would stop or go in a direction I knew wasn't right for the story. Now I just go back to brainstorming to figure out what's wrong or what I could do differently to make the scene better within the context of my overall story goals. For me, planning has become the main creative thing I do before the actual writing.

As for my second writing goal, speeding up the process, planning has helped more than I ever thought it would. As I've mentioned numerous times in previous posts, I have serious anxiety issues. One of those is that when I'm stressed, sitting down to write ends up becoming one more stressor, so to avoid the anxiety, I avoid the writing (I've been working on my avoidance behavior, but when I'm really overwhelmed, it's safer to indulge than push myself too hard and cause worse problems than simply not writing). But I've found with planning, knowing where I want to go and what I have to do to get there, it seems to have lessened that anxiety reaction, so instead of avoiding writing, I'm getting right to it. For the past week and a half, since I got back from vacation, I've written or worked on a story every day (except one; I spent the day with my wife).

So far, I've completed the revisions for Chapter 1 of Lights of Life, which might not seem like a lot, but I've expanded the text by over 15,000 words (about 23 pages) with new scenes before and after the original scenes, as well as expanding and rewriting those original scenes. I'm incredibly excited about all the new content, which I really want to post already, but it'll have to wait until my BetaWolves get back to me, which as I said won't be for another couple months. Plus, I'm still waiting for their comments regarding the two new chapters I have ready to post, which should get posted before any of the revised content does (I want all the revisions done before I post any of them).

So, how have I been learning all this stuff? Through books, of course.

My complete writing course includes the following books:

Structure

• Story Engineering by Larry Brooks

• Story Structure Architect by Victoria Schmidt

Creativity

• Book in a Month by Victoria Schmidt

• Wired for Story by Lisa Cron

Editing

• Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King

There are other books I would recommend reading (check the Links page for them), but these are what I consider the essential books in my arsenal, the ones I've learned the most from.

The first four books are the new ones I've been reading that have helped me so much regarding story structuring and speeding up my writing process. Story Engineering really helped me understand the ideas behind the reasons for story structure, as well as the mechanics of it, while Story Structure Architect gave me examples to study. Book in a Month showed me the value of brainstorming and also setting writing goals, while Wired for Story gave me a whole new insight into why people love stories, which in turn informs how best to write a story that will engage a reader from start to finish.

The last book is one I've read in the past that I've found invaluable with regards to final editing. It shows you how to bring every little thing that could be wrong with your writing to the forefront so you can judge for yourself which way you like it best.

So that's where I'm at right now. It's still a learning process (it always will be), but I feel like I'm finally hitting my groove where my writing is concerned.

The other day, that one I spent with my wife instead of writing, we went for a walk in the morning and I told her about how I felt stuck getting started on the next chapter's revisions. I explained my dilemma and we talked about it, and she eventually encouraged me to go with my initial idea, since like she said, at the very least, it would mostly likely lead me to a better idea and I could always cut it if it didn't work out. So even though I didn't write that day, having a plan in mind set me up to get started the next day, and I ended up completing almost 600 words (that's a page and a half) of new text.

So as you can see, there are some major revisions in store for Lights of Life. However, I don't think they change the story from what it was to something new (it's still a story about an alien who crashes to Earth, loses her memory, and falls in love with a human, and then the two of them have to deal with the fallout once the alien gets her memories back). I think the changes just refine what was already there (or at least what I thought was already there). In any case, my wife normally hates it when I change my stories, but she loves the new opening chapter, as well as the revised chapters I've completed so far. Hopefully, you'll love them, too.

Out of Commission

Monday, September 24, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 6:28 PM

So of course, one week after my last post, I fucked up my back again.

I have no idea what I did, but the trigger point under my right shoulder blade has decided to throw a massive hissy fit and has even gotten the normally calmer trigger point under my left shoulder blade to get in on the act.

So for the past 10 days, I've basically been banned from the computer. I've been taking pain meds and muscle relaxants, stretching, icing my mucles, and trying to lie flat (or at least supported on an incline) most of the time, rather than sitting up. I even got a massage over the weekend, which seems to have helped.

But of course, what do I do as soon as I feel better? I get stupid and spend too many hours on the computer, which is what I did over the weekend playing a game with my wife, and now I feel like I have an ice pick stuck in my back.

So I need to get off the computer now and ice my back, so I can get better and get back to writing sooner rather than later. I just wanted to write a quick note to let you all know why there haven't been any progress reports for the past week and a half.

PS Happy Autumn Equinox for those who celebrate the changing of the seasons. :)

Goodbye, Felix

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Written by Kodi Wolf at 8:46 PM

This morning, I put my cat Felix to sleep. She'd been losing weight for the past few months and we'd been trying her on different foods and medications to try to get her to eat, but nothing worked. The vet thought she might have had intestinal cancer, but we don't know for sure since we weren't going to put her under anesthesia to do a biopsy to find out and we have no need to pay for that information after the fact. Knowing wouldn't have helped us help her anyway and it won't bring her back now.

Whatever was wrong with her, she wouldn't or couldn't eat enough to maintain her weight and muscle mass. She'd been getting progressively weaker and what we referred to as "wobbly." Whenever she tried to walk, her hindquarters would sort of lag behind and she couldn't compensate fast enough, so she'd end up walking a zig-zag or else falling over.

The past few days, she just deteriorated so fast. She'd been managing to navigate to her food/water dishes and litter box, and then coming back to me to be held while she slept, but then she got to the point where getting up was an effort. She stopped eating and was just barely drinking water. She tumbled off the bed at one point when she tried to jump down, and then later when I followed her out to the kitchen, she just sort of sat down, leaning against the fridge for support, and it was like she was either too tired to walk back to the bedroom, or she couldn't remember where she was or what she was doing.

Then she looked up at me, which is something she almost never did. She rarely ever made eye contact with me, she would always look to the side. But she actually looked up at me, and I know I'm anthropomorphizing here, but it was like she just didn't know what was going on and wanted help. I picked her up and started crying because I knew it was time and I didn't want it to be.

But that was when I finally decided I had to let her go no matter how much it hurt. So I stayed up with her most of the night and then Corene called the vet in the morning and we took her in.

Felix Wolf (as my vet calls her) was put to sleep around 8:45am, Winter Solstice Eve, December 20, 2012. She was born sometime on Friday, January 13, 1995. She was 3 weeks and 3 days short of her 18th birthday.

Everything I said about her mother, Akasha (March 7, 2009), is pretty much true for Felix. I can't seem to stop crying, regardless of how much my face hurts from it. I just want her back and in my arms so I can hold her and pet her and feel her nuzzle my chin and cuddle into me as she purrs loud enough to be heard from the other side of the room.

In Pagan terms, Felix was my familiar, my animal guide. She taught me the power of love, and I know that's what's going to get me through. Focusing on how much I love her helps lessen the pain, if only a little, but I know over time it will get better.

I've already dreamed about her (I was so exhausted from crying and being up all night and this morning that I finally crashed and slept for a few hours this afternoon). In the dream, there were several versions of her: a couple fluffy, curious kittens playing hide and seek with each other and looking for trouble to get into, and then one version of her as a healthy adult, standing erect and alert, as she stared off into the distance like she was keeping watch or standing guard. I was able to pet the adult version and she was how I remember her from a few years ago, back when she was overweight (about 12 lbs) and had this strip of flabby skin that would hang down between her hind legs and swing back and forth as she walked. It was always funny to watch her waddle like that. I used to play with it, jiggling it when she stood on my lap, which kind of annoyed her, but it would get her to lie down and settle rather than just stand there.

Around the time Kash got sick, Felix started losing weight, but she just came down to a healthy weight for her, which was around 6 to 7 lbs. It was only in the last year or so that she started making us worry by going under 6 lbs, then under 5 lbs, and finally the last time we weighed her at home (yesterday), she was only 4 lbs.

At the moment, I'm pretty much exhausted. We've already picked up the food and water bowls and removed the litter boxes, as well as the cat tower. I just can't deal with the reminders right now and we don't plan to get more cats for the time being. I'm afraid I would resent any new cats for not being Felix and I need time to grieve. In the past, every pet I've ever had has come to me; I've never sought them out. So maybe that's how it will work in the future, if I'm ever ready again. I hope I will be, but right now it just hurts too much to think about.

I'm really not ready to let her go, but I also know I never will be. All night, I kept saying in my head, "Just one more day," but I would always want one more day. If I hadn't let her go when I did, she could have really hurt herself from falling and then she would've been in pain on top of everything else. I hate that she's gone, but at least I know she's not suffering anymore.

I love you, Felix. I miss you more than it's possible to say.

Felix
January 13, 1995 — December 20, 2012

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